Jewish World Review August 20, 2004 / 3 Elul 5764
Drs. Michael A. Glueck & Robert J. Cihak
Household Olympics: Losing and gaining points
Let the Games begin!
"Pretty good dinner, " I said. "About a 9. 300."
"What do you mean? I would rate it 9.825," said the little wife.
"Well, the skirt steak was a little overcharred, the avocado in the salad a
little squishy, the romaine leaves soft and the broccoli and cauliflower
had to be marked down on general vegetable principles, I responded."
"So, you want to play that game," said Mimi.
So, as a result, this is how the next 24 hours of home scoring went for us
and others in the community:
I wanted to help so I cleared the dinner table. Mimi held up a 8.925. She
took off points for incomplete removal of salad dressings and tops, not
putting perishables in the refrigerator, not wiping the table or pushing in
the chairs. And, I had not put the dishes in the washer. Well, at least
there would be more floor events coming!
Next the wife asked me to fold some clothes from the dryer while I was
attached to the sofa in front of the Olympics. Easy I thought. Mimi held
up a sign that read 9.125. First she had deducted 0.200 for not having a
smile on my face a moue infraction. Then another 0.100 for not standing
with my feet together and another 0.100 for extra steps. Being a stickler
for detail (an ex-teacher) another 0.200 came off for folding the shirts in
the middle instead of using a Nordstrom fold! And she had lowered the
starting score from 10.00 to 9.80 because of the lack of difficulty. She
must have been watching the head judge from the Olympic highbar committee
who changed the rules on the eve of the men's gymnastic competition!
(As an aside, why do the gymnasts go through all those phenomenal moves,
leaps, swings, spins and somersaults when the outcome is almost always
determined by the "stick". Why not have a separate "jump and stick"
competition and allow a step for bone, joint, muscle and tendon safety on
landing? Descending from heights at such a high velocity, acceleration and
momentum does little to help the growing skeleton. We don't ask sprinters,
long jumpers or pole vaulters in track to stop abruptly at a brick wall and
we don't grade their landings!)
The next home event was to take out the garbage to the garage. What,
another low score a 9.250. It seems that although I got the garbage in
the pails I forgot to put on the tops. Also forgot to place the cans
outside for the Wednesday pickup.
Going to the garage I hit the button to open the door not realizing the
little woman had already opened it. "Better not backup now," she said.
"You will take out the garage door!" For that lack of concentration I
received a 1.00.
Now dejected I decided to try a new event that of making the bed. The
wife would certainly give that a high starting score because of the degree
of difficulty. Instead the judge gave me an embarrassing 8.500. She took
off tenths for lack of hospital corners on two sides, lack of tautness of
the top and bottom sheets, not fluffing or aligning the pillows and
reversing the comforter.
Having learned my lessons, that night I returned to the Olympic coverage at
8:00 PM. The cost of watching the Games on TV: $75.00 - $100.00/month for
the cable. The value of watching Orange County and hometown local favorites
like Misty, Aaron, Amanda, Kaitlin and others giving unbelievable
performances for their country: Priceless-Plus.
For that later deep thought Mimi gave me a perfect 10.00.
It shows that ultimately there are some things we can all agree upon!
Michael Arnold Glueck, M.D., is a multiple award winning writer who comments
on medical-legal issues. Robert J. Cihak, M.D., is a Discovery Institute
Senior Fellow and a past president of the Association of American Physicians
and Surgeons. Both JWR contributors are Harvard trained diagnostic radiologists.
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