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Jewish World Review August 11, 2004 / 24 Menachem-Av, 5764

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

Greek security team fails to notice giant horse

Mysterious wooden structure causing pre-Olympic jitters | Olympic security officials in Athens, Greece conceded today that they had failed to notice a giant wooden horse that had been wheeled to within meters of the Olympic stadium sometime late last week.

The sudden appearance of the gigantic horse, which was said to measure over one hundred cubits in width, has raised fresh concerns that the security around the Olympic complex might be more porous than originally thought.

"When you're spending over $1.5 billion in security, quite frankly, somebody shouldn't be able to wheel a giant wooden horse right up to your stadium," said one U.S. official today.

But Thanasis Kyriakou, who is coordinating the security efforts for the 2004 Olympics, said that the horse, while of unknown origin, posed no serious security threat to the Games, which are set to begin in three days.

"If anything, this gigantic horse is only bringing more attention to the Olympics," he said. "I see this horse as a tremendous gift."

Sharply disagreeing with Mr. Kyriakou is NBC Sports Chairman Dick Ebersol, who said that the unplanned presence of a gigantic horse could ruin his network's coverage of the Games.

"It's wrecking all of our camera angles," Mr. Ebersol said. "Everywhere you look, there's that dopey horse in the background."

For his part, Mr. Kyriakou believes that the enormous horse could enhance viewership of the Olympics and has even recommended wheeling the mysterious wooden structure into the stadium itself.

"I say let the horse in," he said. "What's the worst that could happen?"

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author of the just released "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison and "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" , "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.


© 2004, Andy Borowitz