Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Hollywood Reporter said Stephen Colbert's cancellation by CBS is a sign of the times for the TV networks. Colbert lost $40 million a year for CBS, but defenders say it was the top-rated late night talk show on broadcast TV. But nowadays, that's like being valedictorian at a special needs school.

• Ellen DeGeneres and her partner, Portia de Rossi, listed their rural estate in southern England for $30 million. Their move to the Cotswald river valley was spoiled last year when rainstorms flooded the valley. The flood surprised the locals who thought the river would hold with the addition of two dikes. The U.S. Olympic Committees said it'll honor Trump's request and refuse to allow transgender women to compete in women's sports the 2028 Olympics. In the '76 Games Bruce Jenner let leak his future plans to transition. He won the Men's Decathlon while running backwards and in high heels.

• Hollywood hosted the grand opening of Elon Musk's Tesla Diner and Drive-in Tuesday that features his robot Optimus, charging stations and a movie theater. For Tesla drivers, the charging stations are both welcome and necessary. Only rap star Chris Brown gets more battery charges in a year.

• Coca-Cola will introduce Coke with cane sugar as President Trump urged them to do. So now that Coca-Cola is releasing a Trump-approved version using real sugar cane, are they going to call it Coke-Cain? The first time I ever tried a Coke I was 3 and the carbonation nearly killed my sinuses.

• Hunter Biden gave a roaring interview Monday in which he went wild against Democrats who betrayed his dad. In 2018 Hunter was thrown out of an L.A. underground sex nightclub for being too creepy. You know you're in trouble when a guy dressed like Satan says I don't feel comfortable here.

• Hunter Biden ranted in a three-hour interview on You Tube's Channel 5 Monday in which he insisted his dad could have defeated Trump. They have different governing styles. This year, President Trump hit the ground running and when President Biden hit the ground, he just stayed there.

• Tulsi Gabbard is releasing documents she says prove Barack Obama poison-pilled Trump's first term by setting him up for the Russia hoax, accusing the former president of treason. Barack has an ironclad defense. You can't commit treason against the United States if you were born in Kenya.

• President Trump addressed reporters Tuesday to announce he's finally concluded a trade deal with Japan hours after he agreed to trade deals with the Philippines and Indonesia. Trump dealt with Indonesia, then the Philippines and then Japan in only 4 hours. Hell, it took Douglas MacArthur 4 years.

• San Diego's mayor and city council agreed Tuesday to clear away the homeless encampments that have sprung up all alongside the city's massive freeways. The problem is even worse up in the Bay Area. The homeless situation in San Francisco is so bad that Uber picks you up in a shopping cart.

• L.A. Mayor Bass accused ICE of acting like storm troopers in rounding up illegal aliens. She charged that ICE has been scooping people off the streets of L.A. simply because they have brown skin. To save himself from a flight to El Salvador and back, George Hamilton just switched to sunscreen.

• Joe Biden landed a $10 million book deal with Little, Brown Publishers Thursday to write his autobiography. The publisher is handing a guy with no memory $10 million for a memoir. By the time he finishes putting what he can remember in writing, Joe could wind up being his own ghost writer.

• NFL training camps started up last week for all 32 teams with no shortage of story lines and controversy. Once again National Anthem protestor Colin Kaepernick, now 37, who hasn't been on the field in ten years, says he still wants to play. He wants to play so bad, this time he's on both knees.

• The DOJ deposed Ghislaine Maxwell to ID the men who visited Pedophile Island. One was the late Nobel Prize-winning astrophysicist Stephen Hawkings. Pedophile Island may have been a disgusting hub of underage sex trafficking, but you have to give it credit for being wheelchair accessible.

• Billboard reported Black Sabbath lead singer Ozzy Osbourne left his family a fortune of $267 million when the music legend passed away last week. It left me disheartened and demoralized. Ozzy outlived Hulk Hogan by five years and now I'm questioning why I go to the gym three times a week.

• Hulk Hogan's family gave a statement thanking all his fans and friends for their outpouring of condolences on the death of the WWE icon. Rumors had swirled all month that Hulk was on his deathbed. Hulk Hogan died on Thursday but of course there will always be those who insist he's faking it.

• The Trump administration finally approved the $8 billion bid by David Ellison's Skydance to purchase Paramount. It comes with 20 broadcast and cable channels including CBS. The deal was held up until CBS agreed to cancel the Late Show and replace Colbert with Rush Limbaugh's hologram.

• Hunter Biden was publicly asked by leading Democrats to stop criticizing prominent members of the party. His trash-talking appealed to this new generation of Democrats. In his three-hour interview last week, Hunter Biden spoke so eloquently about crack he's now leading in New Hampshire.

• CBS's Ed Sullivan Theater in New York was picketed by protestors last week who were angry CBS canceled the Late Show. The host blamed Trump and spent last week swearing and trashing him. I think Colbert should pass a kidney stone during his next monologue in order to lighten things up.

• The GOP House Appropriations Committee approved $32 million for the Kennedy Center in Washington if they will rename it after Melania Trump. It feels weird. If they name a 2,300-seat theater after a beautiful former supermodel, it's going to attract a lot of creepy guys asking for box seats.

• The ACLU dragged ICE before a judge in L.A. to demand that ICE stop rounding up illegal migrants without a warrant. The fact that illegal aliens have constitutional rights sets up the next round of street rioting. Living in today's America is like being married to a beautiful woman who's always sick.

• Sharon Osbourne thanked Ozzy's fans on both sides of the Atlantic for their expressions of love and devotion to Ozzy. To me the beautiful thing about Ozzy is he had the decency to die after one farewell concert, he didn't wear everyone out with 20 or 30 of them like the Rolling Stones and Cher.

• Billboard reports Ozzy Osborne spent the last 21 years of his life clean and sober after an epic life of hell-raising. We checked into the Betty Ford Center a year apart, but Ozzy and I shared the same intake exam. The nurse measured our height in feet and inches, and our weight in kilos and grams.

• DNI Tulsi Gabbard revealed Tuesday that Russia had dirt on Hillary Clinton during the 2016 campaign. The Russians learned that Hillary was constantly given tranquilizers to regulate her wild mood swings. She will never get a presidential library but she may have a rehab clinic named after her.

• Stephen Colbert led a posse of late-night hosts accusing Trump voters of racism, sexism and homophobia. In my view the vast majority of Americans no longer use racist, sexist and homophobic language. Not because they're sensitive, but because people who do are the first to die in a horror movie.

• The House Oversight Committee subpoenaed Ghislaine Maxwell for a deposition in prison to learn the visitors to Jeffrey Epstein's Pedophile Island. I was shocked when I heard that the list of celebrity pedophiles who visited Epstein's island included Michael Jackson. You think you know a guy.

• Former Vice President Kamala Harris marked the one year anniversary of her being chosen to succeed President Biden on the 2024 Democratic presidential ticket. However, Kamala's husband Douglas Emhoff couldn't make it to the anniversary party. He was with the nanny at a Coldplay concert.

• Hunter Biden came out swinging Monday on Democrat politicians and his drug use. Hunter said if elected president he'd invade El Salvador if they don't send everybody back. The best point he made was that without cross-border migration, the price of hookers and cocaine will go through the roof.

• JFK's grandson ripped Trump's call to rename the Kennedy Center, claiming JFK fought for civil rights and against authoritarianism. I loved Jack, but civil rights just annoyed him, and he used the IRS to bully steel CEOs. Trump should leave JFK's name intact if only out of honor among womanizers.

• Olympic swimmer Riley Gaines swam from Alcatraz to San Francisco, something no prisoner ever did. She wasn't worried about sharks. However, Riley risked being eaten alive by all the transgender swimmers in San Francisco who'd leap into the bay and eat her alive if they knew she was there.

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