Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The New York Post cited a poll that said 58% of Americans plan to drink less alcohol this year, providing proof the sober-curious movement is gaining traction. My old comic pal, the late Ollie Joe Prater, thought alcohol was the answer to everything. He didn't drink it, he was just terrible at Jeopardy.

• KFC restaurants announced a Kentucky Fried Comeback Campaign offering free buckets of fried chicken to their Rewards Club members. It made me laugh. If you go to KFC enough times to become a member of the Rewards Club, the first sign of a heart attack is tightness in the arms and chest.

• The Daily Mail reports that Mohammed Bahan, the former president and strongman of Nigeria, passed away at age 82. His death sparked a nationwide week of mourning in Nigeria, Africa's most populous country. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you send your bank account information.

• The White House took action to start firing one-third of the Department of Education due to the abysmal test scores that plague public schools. The latest public school survey does boast one statistic indicating major progress. It shows that 4th grade students are now looting at a 12th grade level.

• President Trump was cheered at Met Life Stadium in New Jersey Sunday at the FIFA Club World Cup Championship. He joined the winning Chelsea players onstage who hugged it out in celebration and gave Trump the gold cup. Trump said this is the only time he'll support men playing in women's sports.

• President Trump hosted an AI conference in Pittsburgh Tuesday and was able to raise $92 billion from 20 companies to build AI data centers across the Midwest. AI is the next big thing. Scientists predict human-level artificial intelligence by 2030, perhaps sooner if the bar keeps dropping.

• President Trump spoke to reporters on the airport tarmac in Pittsburgh Tuesday and lashed out at Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett for questioning his cognitive abilities. He challenged Crockett to pass the cognitive test that he did. Jasmine Crockett thinks Antifa is a family relative of hers.

• Governor Gavin Newsom campaigned in South Carolina and told a podcaster he's opposed to transgender surgery for children. Gavin revealed he has an 8-year-old boy and he wouldn't allow him to undergo a sex-change operation. It'd interfere with his ability to pick marijuana crops in the field.

• Sesame Street fans were horrified Sunday when hackers broke onto Sesame Street's AI chat bot and Elmo suddenly began blaming the Jews for all the problems in the world. The song Elmo sang was even more anti-Semitic. There's a time and place for the Harvard Fight Song and this isn't it.

• The Times of India reported the world's oldest marathon runner died in the Punjab last week while he was running on road training for his next marathon. And, you can't make it up, the 114-year-old runner did not die of old age, he was hit by a car. With G od as my witness, it was a hit and run.

• CNN reports a 12-year-old English girl was sent home from school for wearing a Union Jack dress on Heritage and Diversity Day. English culture is being canceled by woke rules due to a flotilla of arriving migrants. Germany can't believe how easy it turned out to be to cross the English Channel.

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