Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Hollywood Reporter trumpeted the return of Superman to the movie theaters this weekend, albeit a woke Superman. The director James Gunn revealed the movie is a repudiation of Trump's immigration policy of deportation of illegal immigrants. In a sign of our times, the movie is rated MS-13.

• USA Today reported thousands of injuries and 11 deaths from Americans handling fireworks on July 4th. Rap star 4 Xtra reportedly lost two fingers while exploding fireworks Friday, and now his new rap handle is 3 Left. The good news is, he's no longer able to flash gang signs to the audience.

• The U.S. Navy Department announced that construction will begin in two years at the Newport Naval Construction Yard on an aircraft carrier named after George W. Bush. I like him, he and I were a lot alike as young men. We had the same favorite book when we were in college, Atlas Chugged.

• The New York Times reported New York mayor candidate Zohran Mamdani, who is South Asian, claimed to be black and Asian on his college application form at Columbia. It's not easy to maintain a fiction of oppression. On Monday Mamdani was bit by a mosquito and just like that, there went all his black blood.

• The White House said Friday President Trump is close to closing a huge trade deal with China this week after months of negotiations. It includes an agreement by China to buy rice from U.S. rice growers. If anyone doubts we have the Music Man sitting in the Oval Office, he's just sold rice to China.

• Israel's Benjamin Netanyahu presented President Trump with a formal letter nominating him for the Nobel Peace Prize awarded in September. It's for his negotiating the Israeli-Iran cease-fire. To prevent Trump from receiving the award, a U.S. federal judge ordered Israel and Iran to resume fighting.

• President Trump met Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu at the White House. They discussed a lasting cease-fire between Israel and Iran, aided by Saudi Arabia. God gave every country in the Middle East oil except Israel to make sure America would always love Israel for its looks and personality.

• Elon Musk erupted in anger over the federal spending in the Big Beautiful Bill Trump signed Saturday and announced he is forming a new political party called the America Party. He's off to a good start already. Elon's only one kid away from his family compound being a congressional district.

• House Democrats took turns Friday blasting the new migrant detention facility in the middle of the Everglades nicknamed Alligator Alcatraz. It's a converted old air base with low overhead. U.S. taxpayers only pay the alligators $10 an hour to guard the detention center, but it's all-you-can-eat.

• ICE agents arrested and prepared to deport Mexican boxer Julio Chavez after Chavez lost his bout with Jake Paul. ICE says the boxer has ties to Mexico's human smuggling cartels. It looked bad for the Mexican when the referee counted all the way up to ten when they looked inside the trunk of his car.

• Portland rioters occupied the ICE detention facility all weekend in protest over Trump's illegal immigration policies. In the Compromise of 1848, Seattle and Portland were given to the U.S. by England. We waited until the last minute to join England in the next 2 world wars to get even with them.

• The Daily Mail reports the Running of the Bulls festival is underway in Spain with angry bulls chasing young men through the streets of Pamplona, Spain. The daily carnage illustrates some life-saving wisdom. Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from behind or an idiot from any direction.

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