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• The Hollywood Reporter reported Monday that Jurassic Park 5 brought people into the movie theaters over the July 4th holiday weekend. The movie did a $145 million box office. I'm not saying Jurassic Park films have been around a long time, but in the first movies, the animals weren't yet extinct.
• Chicago reports 55 people shot last weekend plus the 18 shot outside a Hip Hop album release party. Here's a money-making tip for you young entrepreneurs. Go to Chicago and open a funeral home, a florist shop, a fast food chicken joint or an ambulance service, and you, too, can make a killing.
• New York Mayor candidate Zohran Mamdani was busted applying to Columbia claiming he's black on the application in 2009. His parents are both Indian, but he was born while they were in Uganda so he claimed he was black. It's like claiming you're Hispanic because your mom went into labor at Taco Bell.
• California lawmakers in Sacramento refused to allow a Voter ID law out of committee which would require voters to provide proof of citizenship. In Texas they add a test question from the poll workers. They ask you who won the Battle of the Alamo, and if they reply we did, ICE hauls you away.
• President Trump is planning to schedule a UFC fight on the White House lawn before 20,000 on the 250th anniversary of Independence next July 4th. You can't make it up. We owe Trump a great favor for taking American politics and raising it to the level of full-contact combat between men in tights.
• President Trump announced new tariffs on six Asian countries Monday including a 25% tariff on all goods shipped to the U.S. from Japan. It's going to require a lot of adjustments. So far, Los Angeles Dodgers superstar Shohei Ohtani has 30 home runs before the All-Star break, 38 with the tariff.
• The White House blasted Democrats and the media on Monday for trying to blame the Texas flash flooding on Trump. The partisan attacks blaming the president didn't crystallize until Monday. It took Democrats three days to decide whether to blame the flooding on Trump, climate change or racism.
• The DOJ closed the case on Jeffrey Epstein and his Pedophile Island clients on Monday. The late Nobel physicist Steven Hawking was one of them. Say what you will about the sexual degeneracy that went on but you have to admit that Pedophile Island complied with laws requiring handicap accessibility.
• Jesse Jackson Jr. is considering running for Congress from Chicago after serving two years in federal prison for campaign finance violations. Jesse was successfully treated at the Mayo Clinic in 2012 for bi-polar disorder. Sadly for Democrats, he was also cured of Trump Derangement Syndrome.
• Elon Musk denounced the spending bill passed by Congress and he formed a brand-new party called the America Party. Neither Republicans nor Democrats take him seriously yet. Elon could only threaten to siphon votes from both political parties by announcing that everybody was right, he is, indeed, a Nazi.
• The National Institute on Aging cited a study saying people get smarter in many ways as they grow older. It varies greatly with me. Sometimes I think I'm fairly intelligent, but then at other times I catch myself pressing the button on my car lock remote two or three times in order to get extra lockage.
• Ozzy Osborne hosted a farewell concert in England Saturday that included his old band Black Sabbath. Ozzy's unintelligible speech is blamed on years of vocal damage from past drug abuse, plus Parkinson's and current medication side effects. It's the best Joe Biden impression anyone's ever heard.
• The National Retail Federation reported Americans last week spend $3 billion on firecrackers, Roman candles and pop bottle rockets for private use during the Fourth of July Weekend. And why not? Everyone in the America's heartland loves to celebrate July 4th, also known as Finger Rapture Day.
• Chicago Police answered a call when 18 people were shot outside a Hip Hop nightclub Friday night. The victims were attending an album-release party. I'm guessing the party was honoring Stevie Wonder and Beethoven because when the cops arrived nobody saw anything and nobody heard anything.
• The Texas Hill Country was demolished by once-in-a-generation flash flooding Saturday. The Reverend Al Sharpton was the first of many prominent Democrats who jumped onto the cable news channels to blame the weather on President Trump. That's impossible, Texas never gets ice until January.
• Alligator Alcatraz opened Friday to house captured migrant criminals located on an old air base in the Everglades in Central Florida. The inmates would be wise to stay inside today. It's Taco Tuesday and every alligator in the swamp has just heard of the new Mexican place that just opened up.
• President Trump signed the Big Beautiful Bill Saturday in a spectacular ceremony outside the White House. The event provided one accidentally hilarious moment. Just as Trump was signing the bill that completes the building of the Mexican border wall, the Marine Band played This is My Country.
• First Lady Melania Trump did the Trump dance with Donald to the YMCA Song on the Truman Balcony Saturday. It's now a partisan issue. Republicans called it a sign of a happy marriage and Democrats called it a sign that she's a hostage desperately trying to communicate with the outside world.
• The Gallup Poll says 38% of Americans approve of the Big Beautiful Bill while 58% oppose the measure. Joe Biden weighed in his opinion after the July 4th signing of the bill. Biden told a TV interviewer the bill was reckless and cruel, then Joe wished every American a Happy Incontinence Day.
• The SPCA protested the backyard home use of fireworks to celebrate July 4th, calling it cruel to startled house pets. The next day while I was on my jog, every dog I saw being walked was shaking and looking at me like he had just returned from the Vietnam War. The explosions, it changes you, man.
• Los Angeles County canceled most of the July 4th celebrations for fear of ICE raids so everyone celebrated at home. For the first time since I was a kid, I bought fireworks to shoot off in my front yard. I wasn't sure I bought the noisiest firecrackers until the salesman give me a wink and a high-four.
• Politico reported results of the Emerson Poll which gauged support for likely presidential candidates in 2028, with JD holding a sizeable lead over Marco and DeSantis, while Pete Buttigieg was just ahead of Kamala. What a deplorable lineup. Look at the five of them, if they were cards, you'd fold
• President Trump hosted a secret White House meeting with Saudi Defense Minister Khalid Bin Salman about de-escalating Middle Eastern tensions with Iran. There may be more B-2 bombing raids on the horizon. Trump just warned that Elon Musk is only weeks away from acquiring nuclear weapons.
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