
• The New York Times reports Socialist Democratic mayor nominee Zohran Mamdani lied on his student application form to get into Columbia. He claimed to be South Asian and African American. Naturally Columbia accepted any teenager who they think might loot his own family's convenience store.
• Restaurant World published a survey which voted Taco Bell as the Best Mexican Restaurant in America. People who live in California, Arizona and Texas are demanding further proof. We will believe Taco Bell serves the best Mexican food in America the day it's tasty enough attract an ICE raid.
• U.S. Retail Gas reports that the nationwide average price of gas is $3.28 per gallon, however it's still $5.60 in West Hollywood. The new automatic gasoline tax hikes went into effect in California Tuesday. The price of gas is so high in Los Angeles that it costs more to mow your grass than to smoke it.
• The Constitution Center honored Ron Chernow for his bio of Alexander Hamilton upon which the musical Hamilton was based. The woke musical tries to slander King George, but he gets the night's biggest ovation singing I'll Be Back! If I want to see Hamilton, I'll stare at a $10 bill for 3 hours.
• President Trump was jubilant in Iowa Thursday after passing his Big Beautiful Bill. The next day he enjoyed signing it into law on July 4th in the Oval office. After signing the bill on TV, he took the occasion to unveil his new line of Trump Firecrackers available online at the Trump Store for $250.
• Democratic House Leader Hakeem Jeffries staged a one-man eight-hour speaking marathon on the floor of the House Thursday. He did all he could to stall passage of the Republican Big Beautiful Bill. I once injured my wrist watching another eight-hour marathon, but to be honest, it was a Baywatch Marathon.
• President Trump told reporters Wednesday he totally supports a plan to overhaul the U.S. Census count to redistrict House seats. The administration plans to completely eliminate illegal immigrants from the Census Bureau head count, which would leave California with a population of 63.
• Joe Biden's White House doctor will testify before Congress about Joe's cognitive decline next Wednesday. Democrats over last weekend ruefully marked the one-year anniversary of President Biden's disastrous debate performance. But Joe doesn't think it will affect his election chances this fall.
• Men's Health magazine published a regimen instructing Baby Boomers to exercise regularly for heart health and added longevity. While I was on my jog last night, I tripped and fell. Most people here in West Hollywood would blame Donald Trump, but I know it's actually because of climate change.
• The House of Representatives erupted in fiery debate all week over the tax cut virtues and Medicare cuts demerits of President Trump's Great Big Beautiful Bill. The legislation didn't go unanswered. The Democrats countered with a Small Ugly Bill, but they insist has a Great Personality.
• Elon Musk unleashed fury at the Big Beautiful Bill this week by threatening to primary every Republican who votes for it. He vows to overthrow the regime by creating a new political party. At the rate he's going it'd take Elon Musk 18 years to father enough children to vote Trump out of office.
• CBS agreed Tuesday to pay Trump $16 million to settle a suit against 60 Minutes for editing a 2024 interview with Kamala Harris to make her look smarter. The full tape made her look airheaded and even a bit drunk. It's the reason men always sing along to Wish They All Could Be California Girls.
• The White House reports President Trump was able to convince Vietnam to come to the table and agree to a trade deal. This ends the complaint that Trump has no military service record. Donald Trump will go down in history as the only man in his generation to get Vietnam to come to HIM.
• Iran's parliament voted Wednesday to cut of all contact with the International Atomic Energy Agency inspectors who had been monitoring Iran's enrichment program. There are signs that the B-2 raid set them back for years. The Iran nuclear program changed its pronouns this week to was/were.
• Court TV was on hand in Manhattan Wednesday when P. Diddy's judge denied bail to the rap mogul following his conviction on transporting sex workers across state lines. It's a violation of the Mann Act. It will kill Diddy's reputation in the Hip-Hop community when they hear he violated men.
• People reported on the Jeff Bezos marriage to Lauren Sanchez last weekend and listed Oprah Winfrey and the Kardashians among the tightly-corseted celebrities. Rosie O'Donnell said Jeff Bezos's $50 million wedding turned her stomach. There's no way it costs that much to turn her stomach.
• Alligator Alcatraz began housing illegal migrant criminals this week in the Everglades swamps filled with alligators, brown spiders, rattlesnakes and Burmese pythons. Today a migrant criminal tried to escape from Alligator Alcatraz resulting in a 3-word response from the alligators. Tastes like chicken.
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