Jewish World Review July 13, 2004 / 24 Tamuz, 5764

Jim Shea

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Consumer Reports

Calling all Kennedys | BOSTON — Sen. Kennedy, Sen. Kerry is here to see you.

Tell him I'm not in.

He knows you're here, sir.

Then tell him I can't be disturbed. Tell him I'm exercising.

He's not going to buy that, sir.

Then tell him ...

Sir, he's carrying a Dunkin' Donuts box.

Why didn't you say so, send him right in.

Yes, sir.

John, nice to see you, nice to see you.

Ted, thank you for taking the time.

Nonsense, what can I do for John F. Kerry, next president of the USA?

Well, Ted, it's about the convention.

The convention? My convention? Don't you worry about it, Johnny boy, we've taken care of everything.

Well, that's the point, Ted ...

John, it's going to be great. We're going to dedicate a memorial to my mother, Rose, have a remembrance to my brother Bobby, and, of course, the tribute to me, not to mention my speech. Everybody is coming in for it, the whole family, the A-list movie stars, even Maria, although without the Hun. We've reserved 100 hotel rooms downtown. Yep, everything is under control.

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Ted, let me be frank, some of my people think all the attention on you and your family is going to overshadow me.

Ridiculous, John, ridiculous. Give me one concrete example.

OK, well, you know the big tribute they are having for you down at Symphony Hall, the one with U2, and John Williams, and Yo-Yo Ma.

Of course, of course.

Well, I wasn't invited.

Nothing personal, John, but we had to draw the line somewhere.

Ted, I'm the Democratic Party's nominee for president.

I see your point, John. Tell you what, let me see if I can score a couple of standing-room tickets for you, give them to you at face value. How's that?

You're too kind.

It's the least I can do, John, anything else?

As a matter of fact, there's rumor you want to move your speech to prime time on the final night of the convention.

Yeah, that was a tough call, John, but if you were to speak before me, no one would be awake. That it?

One other thing, Ted, the balloons.


They're planning to drop the balloons after your speech.

That will be a great touch, don't you think?

Ted, I'm going to have to insist they drop the balloons after my speech.

Well, aren't we on quite the ego trip.

Jim Shea is a columnist for the Hartford Courant. Comment by clicking here.

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