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Jewish World Review July 15, 2004 / 26 Tamuz, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 hit the eighty million dollar mark Sunday. He says he doesn't care how much money it makes if it helps to defeat President Bush. If it helps to defeat President Bush all the money will go to the government anyway.

Mike Ditka said Tuesday he may run for U.S. Senate in Illinois. What is in the water there? The Republicans threw out one guy for taking his wife to a bondage club only to replace him with a guy who showered with men once a day for forty years.

Teresa Heinz said Monday America should have a president who is not fazed by complexity, someone who loves history and who likes to read. What a loose cannon. Her son stopped her before she could say someone who doesn't pour ketchup on everything.

Democrats on Tuesday scheduled Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton and Al Gore to speak on the first night of the convention in Boston. It's well balanced. Jimmy Carter will speak on morality, Al Gore will speak on integrity and then Bill Clinton will offer a rebuttal.

Osama bin Laden's sidekick surrendered in Saudi Arabia Tuesday. He's the guy who was seen on all the videos smiling and agreeing as Osama took all the credit. However, nothing the Saudis can do will ever make Ed McMahon tell everything he knows.

New York architect Dan Libeskind, who designed the new World Trade Center, filed a lawsuit against the developer Tuesday. He says he's owed almost a million dollars for designing the Freedom Tower. It just proves once again that freedom isn't free.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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