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Jewish World Review July 12, 2004 / 23 Tamuz, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | America West pilots were indicted on Wednesday for being under the influence of alcohol just before takeoff. The passengers never felt they were endangered. They figure that any pilot with alcohol on his breath can't be that strict a Muslim.

John Edwards inspired crowds on the trail with his life story Friday. He has also had a humanizing effect on his boss. Last night John Kerry shared with an audience what it's like to grow up in a home where you have to dial nine to get out.

The International Court in the Hague ordered Israel to tear down its security wall Friday. The barrier ended suicide bombings. Thanks to the wall, Israelis are able to watch 60 Minutes again without that ticking sound making them jump through the roof.

Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 left Paris audiences Friday shaking their heads at President Bush during the golf course scene. His values are not their values. The French believe playing golf wastes valuable time that could be spent on adultery.

John Edwards was a sensation on the campaign trail after being named to the ticket last week. Everyone agrees he's sunny and charming and a public speaker of great eloquence. John Edwards is close to being the next Bill Clinton, close but no cigar.

Saddam Hussein's latest novel was serialized on Thursday in an Arab-language London newspaper. The title of his novel is, Get Out, You Damned. Coincidentally that was also Hillary's book title until the publisher told her it didn't test well.

Enron's former CEO Ken Lay denied any and all wrongdoing Thursday after he was indicted. It's another case of racial profiling. It's always the white guys who get pulled over for stock fraud and lying to the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan raised interest rates Tuesday in the first sign of inflation worries. Brokers recommend as a hedge that investors and institutions acquire gold. The parking meters in Beverly Hills now take Krugerrands.

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