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Jewish World Review July 6, 2004 / 17 Tamuz, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Los Angeles Lakers offered Duke's coach Mike Krzyzewski its coaching job Friday. He's tired of the college grind. When he started out, players majored in engineering and today he has to drop bread crumbs to get players from class to class.

Teresa Heinz Kerry will speak at the Democratic Convention about her husband John Kerry. The night they met was magic. He asked her if she would like some company, and she said before she buys a company she likes to see the balance sheet.

John Kerry told Wisconsin Saturday his plan will rebuild a stricken American economy. Many people are suffering. One third of the nation is ill-clad, ill-fed and ill-housed, but if they insist on going camping every summer what can you do?

John Kerry opposed driver's licenses for illegal aliens one day after he vowed to help them become citizens. It's not inconsistent if you're a royalist. John Kerry is glad to welcome new citizens on the condition that they remain pedestrians.

John Kerry was reported Tuesday to be considering Senator Hillary Clinton as his running mate and her staff said Thursday she has cleared next week's travel schedule. Experts are skeptical. It's not like John Kerry to choose a wealthy woman.

Iraq's new government Saturday offered amnesty to rebel insurgents who killed Americans. It's not working out like we hoped. Next they plan to convert Saddam Hussein's trial to a reality show called Who Wants to Marry the Father of Our Country?

Saddam Hussein's televised appearance in a Baghdad court Thursday incited street demonstrations by his loyalists in Iraq. He will never be returned to power ever again. One look at his supporters and you can see that he appeals to the older demographic, and that's the death sentence in show business.

Saddam Hussein's legal defense team was joined by Moammar Khadaffi's daughter on Friday. The case is not hopeless. By using persuasive arguments, exculpatory evidence and a passionate appeal for leniency, maybe she can get the voltage reduced.

Saddam Hussein declared Thursday the court proceeding against him is theater arranged by President Bush. He says Bush is a criminal and he can prove it. Saddam bought a bootleg copy of Fahrenheit 9/11 on the way into the courthouse and he wants it introduced as evidence.

Former U.S. Senator Jack Danforth was sworn in as U.N. Ambassador on Thursday. He is a fish out of water in Washington. Other senators says John Danforth is man of compassion, conscience, honesty and conviction, if you go for that sort of thing.

Bill Clinton signed books Friday in Little Rock, Saturday in Chappaqua, and he'll be in Philadelphia tomorrow. It's taking a toll on him physically. He reached the point last night that if he signed one more breast his hand was going to fall off.

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