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Jewish World Review July 15, 2002 /6 Menachem-Av, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The White House admitted last week that the federal budget deficit is $165 billion and not the $100 billion they first reported. It's no surprise. People have a lot of nerve jumping on baseball players when evidence is increasing every day that the U.S. government is WorldCom on steroids.

Dick Cheney addressed a Republican Party dinner Wednesday for donors who gave at least $100,000. Morale was low among the business executives there. Before dinner, they bowed their heads, closed their eyes, and recited their Miranda Rights.

Congress took aim Friday at insider trading on Wall Street. Stockbrokers in Los Angeles can't lose. They either make a lucrative commission off an insider trade or they get arrested and win a huge cash settlement from the police beating.

Al Gore will attend an Indy car race at Nashville Superspeedway July 20th at the Firestone 200. Just last week, he promised supporters he would be more spontaneous and start letting her rip. That's what Firestone said two hundred million dollars ago.

NFL teams begin summer training camps this week to prepare for the fall football season. The key to success is repetitions. For six weeks, players must learn formations, run plays, and practice roadside sobriety tests until it's second nature.

The Arizona Diamondbacks were reported Thursday to be at risk of not meeting their payroll. Thank goodness they are so close to Scottsdale. For less than one week's payroll, the owner could have the team frozen until the market turns around. Ted Williams was cryogenically frozen and stored in a Scottsdale facility on Wednesday. How exclusive is Scottsdale? Ted Williams was an Anglo-Saxon and a Republican, and he still couldn't get into town without $120,000 and two references.

Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig warned that two teams are in deep financial trouble and may not finish the season. Everyone's fed up with the sloppy brand of play. One team accountant was fired last week for missing the owner's steal sign.

Los Angeles was the focus of national attention last week when another black man was beaten by a white policeman and caught on videotape. No one in L.A. has seen it. The video isn't scheduled to be released on DVD for another six months.

Ross Perot testified before the California Senate Thursday and denied that he helped energy companies to exploit California's energy crisis for profit. He must be watched closely. If you give Ross Perot an inch, he would be five-foot-six.

GOP Senator John McCain blocked all Bush nominations in the Senate Thursday and took the lead in corporation bashing. One thing is getting clearer by the day. If Al Gore wants the Democratic nomination in 2004, he had better pick up the pace.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton