Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• President Trump posted U.S. troops around the world ready for pending action in foreign places Sunday. After my Comedy Store show tonight, I'm going on a USO Tour. I'll be entertaining U.S. soldiers in Little Tokyo, Chinatown, Dodger Stadium, Little Saigon, and Little Iran, that is, Beverly Hills.

• Vietnam announced it is bypassing its own laws to fast track a $1.5 billion Trump golf resort outside Hanoi with groundbreaking set to begin after just 3 months of planning. The rumor now is that President Trump is planning to build a golf course in Iran. He's already got the first three holes.

• The Times of India reported that Pakistan issued a statement Friday thanking President Trump for interceding and halting Pakistan's war with India and they nominated Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize. The next day Trump bombed Iran. It's how any American would react to an insult like that.

• President Trump went on national TV Saturday night to announce the successful bombing raid on Iran. The first reaction to the president's action came as no surprise to anyone. Last night a U.S. District Judge in Seattle ordered President Trump to rebuild the Iranian nuclear plant he just destroyed.

• The U.S. military executed flawless bombing raids on Iran's nuclear enrichment laboratories Saturday that came as an unwelcome surprise in Teheran. The sudden attack interrupted everyone's Saturday fun at the Bingo Parlor. When the caller shouted out B-2 everyone went running for their lives.

• President Trump ordered a B-2 strike on Iran's nuclear labs Saturday after a Security Council meeting. Trump sent out seven B-2 bombers in a precisely coordinated display of strength. Six B-2s were headed to attack Iran and one to buzz the ABC Studio in New York where they tape The View.

• Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei has gone into hiding following the targeted Israeli drone strike assassinations of all his top leaders. The Ayatollah is reportedly looking for a successor if he's assassinated. Linked In just crashed in Iran as requests to delete profiles overwhelmed the system.

• Galveston celebrated Juneteenth Friday, marking the date in 1865 that news of emancipation of slaves reached Texas. The Trump White House ignored it. A recent poll that asked Americans to rank the importance of U.S. holidays rated Juneteenth and Kwanzaa eighty points behind Toyatathon.

• Universal Studios released special theater showings of the classic blockbuster hit Jaws last week on the occasion of the movie's 50th anniversary of its 1975 release. It's hard to believe that Jaws turned 50 on Thursday. Within the week, the shark started getting emails about dental plans from AARP.

• PBS reports patients are getting hit with high hospital costs for routine medical exams. To save money, pee under a tree and wait. If ants gather, you've got diabetes, if the grass dries, it's high salts, if it smells like barbecue, your cholesterol is high, if you forget to pull up your pants, you have Alzheimer's.

• NBC News reported immigration raids across Southern California Saturday including migrant round-ups at Home Depot, Lowes and Dodger Stadium. The Los Angeles Dodgers just donated $1 million to help out illegal migrants impacted by ICE raids. They don't call them the Dodgers for nothing.

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