Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Newsweek cited a poll showing that doctors and teachers are the most respected professions with politicians and TV news reporters the least respected professions. When I was growing up people told me I'd make a good politician. Yesterday I joined Liars Anonymous and they've already made me president.

• Japan and the U.S. are reported near a trade deal to increase U.S. exports to Japan and increase imports of Japanese products Americans love. Honda is now selling a riding lawn mower that can go up to 130 miles per hour. They're very popular with gardeners who have been spotted by ICE agents.

• The World Cup qualifying matches are off to a dreadful start in Miami after ICE said it will be checking citizenship at the gates. Ticket prices have dropped from $400 to $25. That's ironic because after watching the ICE protestors clash with L.A. police I noticed they flop even better than soccer players.

• NBC News reports that seven Los Angeles cops were injured during the protests in Los Angeles Saturday and an anti-ICE protestor was shot in the groin with a rubber bullet, shattering his left testicle. Talk about a tough crowd. He refused to laugh when the ER nurse told him to put some ice on it.

• The Dodger Stadium singer sang the National Anthem in Spanish to protest ICE Saturday. The song was written in 1814 to celebrate a Baltimore fort that turned back a British Navy raid that was freeing slaves and returning them home to Africa. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

• The White House heard from business owners last week whose businesses would be crippled by ICE raids that seized their employees. And so Trump ordered ICE not to raid farms, restaurants and construction sites. Furthermore, ICE is not allowed to work on Saturday, Sunday or Taco Tuesdays.

• President Trump told reporters Monday ICE will continue to seize and deport criminal illegal migrants in Los Angeles, Chicago and New York City. The merchants are bracing for the backlash. The Apple Store in downtown Chicago has just announced it will re-locate to a safer location in Teheran.

• President Trump was contacted by Iran Monday who told him Iran is willing to negotiate peace with Israel if the U.S. will stay out of the war. But it's not like the president has the final say in negotiations. The U.S. District Judge in San Francisco just ordered Israel to return Iran's nuclear plants.

• Fox News reported Monday Iran's Ayatollah Khamenei is negotiating with Russia for asylum and escape as Iran's military and economy melted away. Luckily the war did not keep me from receiving my beautiful new inflatable doll from Iran. Now I'm just waiting for Israel to blow it up for me.

• CNN said 270 Indians were killed in the Air India plane crash Thursday when their Boeing 787 Dreamliner barely made it off the ground after takeoff and crashed. My hat's off to Boeing. They've now killed more Indians than John Wayne and they have Andrew Jackson's record clearly in sight.

• The National Mall hosted a spectacular patriotic fireworks show and parade to celebrate the U.S. Army's 250th birthday Saturday. The same day, protestors staged a No Kings march in cities against authoritarianism. The latest poll shows that 50% of Americans think the other 50% have lost their minds.

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