Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Eddie Murphy testified in the P. Diddy trial he was blacklisted in Hollywood after he refused to eat monkey brains in a dark-room ritual hosted by Diddy at his house party. This town is so sick. Hollywood is the only place where you worry that the SPCA is going to show up and shut down the orgy.

• White House former Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre announced she's written a book about the Biden White House that'll be out this fall. She added that she's leaving the Democratic Party and she's going to become an Independent. In fairness to her, it's not the first time she's switched teams.

• President Trump ordered his administration to investigate Joe Biden's actions as president to see if aides covered up his cognitive decline. I can understand why Biden didn't recognize Clooney at his recent fundraiser. The black hair dye job makes George Clooney look like King Hussein of Jordan.

• The DNC is spending $20 million on a voter recruitment program called How to Reach Out to Men. The program suggests Democrats meet young male voters by joining a local gym and working out. Now Democrats plan to get in shape at the gym as soon as they can figure out how you loot muscles.

• Bill Clinton gave an interview at the Clinton Global Initiative Sunday and Bill claimed he never saw any signs of decline in Joe Biden when they talked. It was like old times. Bill Clinton shook his finger at the interviewer and vowed that he did not see any cognitive decline in that president, Joe Biden.

• Tiger Woods's 16-year-old son Charlie Woods made headlines last week winning the American Junior Golf Association title. His game is already drawing favorable comparisons to Tiger. Charlie has shown that he can drive 300 yards without hitting a tree, and that's just on his way to the golf course.

• 1970 Heisman Trophy winner Archie Manning's grandson Texas Longhorn quarterback Arch Manning is reported making $6 million in NIL money. Archie also fathered the quarterbacks Peyton Manning and Eli Manning that won 4 Super Bowls. Archie Manning is mankind's answer to Secretariat.

• The L.A. Times reports June 1st kicked off Asian American Heritage Month. They're the smartest people I know. When I first bought a smart phone, they told me if I accidentally drop my phone in water, place it in a jar of rice overnight, and the rice will attract an Asian, who'll come and fix it for you.

• President Trump spoke to a steel workers rally in Pittsburgh last week and he appeared thrilled to be given a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey with #47 on it. The president is trying to keep his chin up this week while he goes through his 3rd divorce. The first two were tough but Elon really broke his heart.

• Elon Musk blasted the Trump Administration's budget reconciliation bill in the Senate, calling it an abomination for adding $3 trillion to the national debt. It roiled Capitol Hill. The Democrats now agree with Elon as evidenced by when the TV cameras caught Cory Booker's right arm salute last week.

• President Trump hosted a huge party on the White House South Lawn Wednesday in honor of his 3,000 political appointees in attendance. The attendees feasted like they hadn't eaten in days. They went through 6,000 steaks, 12,000 potatoes, 10,000 ears of corn, and the band's drummer is missing.

• House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries led the chorus of House Democrats Wednesday who declared that they agree 100% with Elon Musk over his bitter opposition to the GOP spending bill. The Democrats no longer call Musk a Nazi. He's just been upgraded to One of the Good Germans.

• President Trump shut down entry into the U.S. by people from a dozen countries where terrorism is flourishing. The countries include Afghanistan, Yemen, Burma, Congo, Haiti and Iran. I don't understand why Chad was banned from entering the U.S. White guys from California are already here.

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