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• The DNC announced the party will spend $20 million to reach out to young men to get them to vote Democrat. They hired 300-pound lesbian Olivia Juliana to lead the effort. They figure Olivia will appeal to young men if for no other reason than she definitely knows how to make a great sandwich.
• The DNC launched its $20 million campaign to reach out to young men by hiring 300-pound lesbian Olivia Juliana to lead the effort. She said she will go onto college campuses and convince fraternity boys to vote Democrat. I am guessing she'll be disguised as a sorority member of Lambda Moo.
• The New York Post reported Saturday that a Secret Service agent assigned to President Biden told Senator Hawley that Biden was so disoriented when got dressed in the mornings he wasn't able to come out of the closet. This is a new low. President Biden was so goofy he forgot he was straight.
• Boulder was the site of a pro-Palestinian protestor who threw Molotov cocktails at a group of peaceful Jewish protestors. The guy's an illegal alien from Egypt. Kamala Harris heard Molotov Cocktails and decided she'd toss one down herself, figuring it has to be 9:00 a.m. somewhere.
• Kamala Harris did an interview in Australia Friday sounding like a 2028 candidate. As VP she was Biden's insurance against the 25th Amendment. When Kamala's giving a speech, you wonder if she's having a stroke and whenever Joe Biden's giving a speech you wonder if you're having a stroke.
• Senator Josh Hawley said a Secret Service agent assigned to Biden told him Biden got lost while getting dressed Sunday and couldn't find his way out of the closet. That's a surprise. You'd think it would be easy for Joe to find his way out of the closet seeing how it was the first day of Gay Pride Month.
• Joe Biden's Senate assistant Tara Reade has been granted Russian citizenship after she refused to testify in Congress over the alleged incident in 1990 in his office hallway. She claimed he pushed her into the wall and inserted his 2 middle fingers in her. In fairness to Joe, he thought he was bowling.
• Food and Beverage reports Taco Bell just introduced 25 new menu items and is opening its first franchise in Ireland. I was at Taco Bell yesterday waiting in line at the counter when I saw a guy stand up from his wheelchair and receive his order. Don't let anyone tell you tacos don't work miracles.
• The Detroit Grand Prix took place in downtown Detroit Sunday over a two-mile course of streets with nine sharp turns. It's a dangerous neighborhood. The race took a long time to finish because every time a race car pulled into the pits, the crew replaced the tires with cinder blocks and disappeared.
• The Washington Post ripped President Trump's threat to ban Chinese students from American universities for possibly spying. They're definitely guilty of setting the curve. Trump's threat could pretty much empty the campus at UCLA, which after all stands for the University of China Like Almost.
• New York Times columnist David Brooks accused Elon Musk of committing genocide in Africa for his DOGE team eliminating the USAID program. It wasn't all bad news. Bill Gates announced he's going to leave 99% of his massive fortune to Africa after receiving an email from a Nigerian Prince.
• The Ted Kennedy Institute in Boston hosted a bipartisan debate between Pennsylvania senators Dave McCormick, a Republican, and John Fetterman, a Democrat. It brought back fond old memories. McCormick sounded like Teddy at ten in the morning and Fetterman sounded like Teddy at ten at night.
• Ukraine slipped AI-directed drone missiles deep into Russia then attacked Russia's air force, taking out one-third of its bombers sitting on runways. The unexpected assault was likened to 1941's Japanese warplanes bombing Pearl Harbor. Only today's U.S. national debt was attacked by more Zeroes.
• Vladimir Putin rejected the Vatican for peace talks for religious reasons. Both Ukrainians and Russians are white, Eastern Slavic Orthodox Christians, It just shows that in a place where there are no Israelis or Palestinians, no Indians or Pakistanis, no Zulus or white farmers, that people can improvise.
• National Geographic published detailed pictures of the faces of the first four Roman emperors based on AI reconstruction from busts, coins and descriptions. Some progressives were upset when they saw the faces of the Roman emperors, asking why were they all white? Because life is not all Netflix.
• Gay Pride Month kicked off in West Hollywood Sunday with a million people on parade on Santa Monica Boulevard. There are many non-straight classifications in the LGBTQ community. For instance, if you're attracted to both women and men but neither are attracted to you, you are Bi-Yourself.
• Human Rights Campaign reports that Islamic scholars in the U.S. are reviewing the Koran's repudiation of homosexuality. However, Muslim countries themselves are less open. The United Arab Emirates are kicking off Gay Pride Month with festivities on the rooftop of the world's tallest hotel.
• The FAA reported a scary near miss at San Francisco Airport earlier this month Saturday when a United airliner nearly collided with another airliner shortly after both planes took off. I can't believe I wasn't onboard. I've logged over a million near-misses in United's Frequent Survivor Program.
• Governor Tim Walz told Democrats Saturday they must be meaner toward Trump since he wants to be a dictator. The DNC needs to tell Walz that dictator was three caricatures ago, before Trump's cognitive decline, back when Trump was Hitler. Today Trump is Biden so Walz needs to get on message.
• Pope Leo will preach to a Chicago stadium full of Roman Catholics via video from the Vatican in ten days. The Windy City has a peculiar pull on people who move away. Recently the great comedian Tom Dreesen, who was Frank Sinatra's opening act, told me he was homesick for Chicago, so I shot him.
• The New York Times says Elon Musk regularly takes the anesthetic drug ketamine along with ecstasy and mushrooms. Elon insisted in the Oval Office Friday he doesn't do drugs, and that his child gave him his black eye. Well, we know he didn't get the black eye because he couldn't afford to pay the dealer.
• Psychology Today cited a study which says that people with strong relationships live longer and happier daily lives. Every morning when I wake up, I open the Los Angeles Times and turn to the obituaries, the police report and bankruptcies. And if I don't read my name, I know I'm off to a great day.
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