Have We Got a Home for You!

Now that rents are ostensibly 25% higher than just a year ago, some home-hunters are complaining it's hard to find an affordable place to live.

Nonsense! Why, even in la-di-dah Manhattan, it's not hard to find an apartment these days. All you have to do is look! Gotham is chock-full of amazing finds, like —

—Unfurnished Manhattan Upper W. Side

LUXURY PENTHOUSE prices for 6th flr, 1 BR walkup.

Eat-in kitchen (stndg up, alone, holding stom. in).

Fully renovated towel hook. Convenient to drum store, dog breeder, primal scream therapist.

Working fire hazard.

NO FEE except to broker, super, super's son-in-law. $6,200/mo.

—W. 70s

FABULOUS SPACE For someone 125 lbs. or under, comfortable with heights, holes. Pre-(Spanish-American) War bldg.

HW flrs in some spots.

Must be sure of foot, light sleeper, no alcohol.

Tightrope experience a plus.

Great deal, no neighbors. $ 3,670/mo.

—SPECTACULAR VIEWS when you lift the lid on this corrugated tin love nest. Convenient to curb. Handles included.

Uniformed cleaning service twice/week, early a.m.

Immediate occupancy thereafter. Relocation a snap.

Newly graffitied in Eng., Spanish.

Cozy. $ 2,070/mo.

—RIVERSIDE PARK

Oak-paneled lvgnrm, dining rm, kitch., bath, skylite.

Frisky neighbors.

24-hour honey on premises. Fresh nuts delivered daily.

Expansion possible, rot/termites permitting.

Perfect for kids, nymphs, satyrs, anyone under 3'.

Apply Rocky Racoon Management. No unleashed dogs, pls.

—BROWNSTONE AVAILABLE

Large, attractive brownstone available immediately.

Must see to believe. Smooth, shiny, washed up on shore of Coney Island.

Kind of shaped like a bean.

For sale by owner. All reasonable offers considered.

—E. 60s: STOP LOOKING... out windows. Start looking out sliding doors.

Vertically mobile studio avail. in Park Ave., doorman bldg.

Start moving up in the world!

Wrought iron grill work, fan overhead.

Small foldup seat in corner, fully blanketed walls. Must be available for light moving. Tips! $4,750/mo.

—E. 70s, 1st-York

DELUXE '99 Black Mercedes, fully a/c, leather interior, sunroof, CD stereo.

Good for couple/roommates. Back, front seats available. Northern/southern/eastern/western exposure.

Must relocate to opposite side of st. 2x/wk., vacate when owner needs to go somewhere. Call for appointment, spin.

Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

—SWINGING SINGLES!

Unique Cntrl Pk. loft space.

Hi ceilings, perches, vines. Gapers, gators, field trips and families w/small children below.

YOU: Flexible, nonsmoking, arboreal vegetarian w/opposable thumbs.

US: Friendly, tropical, extended family.

MUST BE WILLING TO SHARE GROOMING. 3,175 bananas/mo.

—Sutton Pl. Area

GET A LOOK! Antique-filled, fully furnished, 3-BR is yrs to gaze upon from 320-ft wraparound luxury ledge!

Ornate, art-deco window frames matched by stunning 16-story drop. EZ access to sidewalk (once). $ 2,350/mo (can be pro-rated).

—LIVE LIKE LIBERACE

Don't come out of the closet!

Quiet nook avail in frnt hall of spacious 8-rm. suite to share with minks (winter), sun bonnets (summer), occas'l confused guest. Plnty of lite (w/string attached), hangers. Non-moth preferred.