Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

President Biden doubled down on his demand for strict gun control laws Friday, disregarding the uncontrollable gun violence in gun-controlled big cities. The White House knows it's in a race against the clock. Scientists are warning that within six months, humanity will run out of things to call racist.

• The National Rifle Association answered its critics Friday pointing out that no mass shooter has ever been a member of the NRA. Hell, everything's dangerous. Last year, sixteen thousand people died from falling in the shower or in the bathtub, and those were just the ones who crossed the Clintons.

• Stormy Daniels' lawyer Michael Avenatti was sentenced to jail for his conviction for fraud and theft. This recalls how American workers are being replaced by robots. Both Stormy and Avenatti screwed people for a living, but today lawyers and porn stars are being rapidly replaced by gas pumps.

• Johnny Depp celebrated by performing guitar onstage in London with his good friend Jeff Beck in a jam session before a packed house of his fans Wednesday. The movie star just made it into the Guinness Book of World Records. He became the first man in history to win an argument with a woman

• NBC News reported Tuesday President Biden is furious at White House staffers who have been walking back his public statements of policy and reversing them. That's all his press secretary ever does. If you think Joe Biden has a tough job, everything Joe says, she has to say backwards and in high heels.

GET ARGUS' DAILY SMILES to your inbox. Sign up for the JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

• President Biden green-lighted the transfer of short-range missiles to Ukraine to take out Russian artillery batteries in the Donbas. The problem is, Ukraine can also use the missiles to bombard cities located in Russia. It's Joe Biden's job to prevent World War III, so I'm pretty sure we're all going to die.

• Russia's Vladimir Putin tried to reassure European heads of state in a phone conference Wednesday that he seeks peace as Germany was announcing a huge new military build-up. Putin insists it's a lie that he doesn't want peace. He wants a piece of Ukraine, a piece of Moldavia and a piece of Lithuania.

• John Hinckley was declared sane Tuesday, forty-one years after he shot Reagan to try impress his fantasy crush Jodie Foster, but it didn't work. He was too impatient. Had Hinckley only waited thirty-five years and targeted Trump, every actress in Hollywood would have run off to Niagara Falls with him.

• Democratic Party lawyer Michael Sussman was found not guilty of lying to the FBI when he told them in 2016 he was tipping them Trump disinformation on his own and not on behalf of Hillary's campaign. The trial was in DC. Michael Sussman was acquitted by a jury of his peers of Clinton donors.

(COMMENT, BELOW)