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Jewish World Review June 21, 2004 / 2 Tamuz, 5764

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

Saddam, Osama ‘just good friends’

‘No relationship,’ says bin Laden’s publicist | Rebutting charges by President George W. Bush that there was a “relationship” between Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, a publicist for Mr. bin Laden today told reporters that the two Middle Eastern madmen were “just good friends.”

Sydni Betts, a Hollywood publicist whom Mr. bin Laden hired three years ago to handle a blizzard of bad press, said that the al-Qaeda kingpin wanted to put to rest “once and for all” the persistent rumors of a relationship between him and the former Iraqi strongman.

“Are they good friends? Yes. Do they like and admire each other? Yes. Is there a ‘relationship’ between them? No. End of story,” Ms. Betts said.

Ms. Betts also disputed claims that Messrs. bin Laden and Hussein had worked together: “They have never found the right project, and there have always been scheduling issues — we’re talking about two very, very busy guys here.”

In addition, Ms. Betts said, the former Iraqi dictator’s current incarceration makes it highly unlikely that he and Mr. bin Laden would join forces in the future: “No one wants to make plans that involve a guy who’s sitting in a prison cell — trust me, I used to handle Robert Downey, Jr.”

At the end of her session with reporters, Ms. Betts lodged her objection to the press’s continuing characterization of Mr. bin Laden as a “madman”: “He always pays on time — if that’s being a madman, I wish all my clients were.”

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author of the just released "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison and "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" , "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.


© 2004, Andy Borowitz