Jewish World Review June 16, 2003 / 16 Sivan, 5763

Jay D. Homnick

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Iraq and roll | Oops, looks like big trouble in the picked rubble of Iraq. The curious absence of weapons of mass destruction (WMD in wonk parlance) has become a source of prime merriment among Democratic presidential candidates. All these old-school politicos dyin' to soar to the top are trying to ambush Bush, depicting him as Tyrannosaurus Prex. I don't work for W, I'm no spin MD, but perhaps I can climb into defense deportment for a moment to counter these attackers and their PAC allies.

To try to sell a view without bias, we must take a new clear look at the situation, its comical (and Syria's) aspects, and buy a logical conclusion.

The first question is: If you check Tim McVey's garage on a balmy day, what is that funny smell? Even left to his own explosive devices, Tim won't stockpile actual ready-made bombs. Yet the fact that nothing there is already set in Boom timers doesn't mean that Tim's plans are in recession. Don't dismiss old Tim as being just another trash talker who is full of fertilizer. Tomorrow's delivery mechanism may be today's ordure.

In the world of bootleg liquor, where enterprising spouses try to enter their homes without their drinks being prised away, there is a widely employed subterfuge the Irish call the Pa Trick. Other cultures call it the Alky Hider Network. First, Dad provokes Mom into accusing him of being more bibulous than Biblical. He gets hot at being called a tippler, challenging Mom to test his premise and search the premises. Nothing buried in the crannies but cranberry juice. Sure enough, Mom ends debate, takes the bait, fishes but no cache.

Scant hours later, Dad slinks through the back door, loaded down with good spirits, whisking the whiskey into any alcove that serves as an alcohol cover.

In that vein, Saddam doesn't need to warehouse the weapons once he has the production capacity. If he has the inventors, he doesn't need the inventory. If he has the laboratories, retrieval is fairly easy. He can keep the ordinances and the ordnance. "Look, Ma, no Hans," he tells the UN, and as soon as the inspector blinks he can restock.

Recall this key clue: there was not much reluctance to let Blix see the sites. All he found was the occasional fatter missile, but no fissile matter. Yet there was massive interference when he tried to interview scientists. The biological powders were taken away to sanitize the labs, but the experts still had to take a powder and not give their bio.

All this I assert to satisfy the strict constructionists. For me it's quite enough that we unseated a man who rhymed statist with sadist, who carried the Olympic torture, who let one son live for blood and the other for lust, who used Sears Diehard batteries to sear people until they died hard. It's not a new day in Iraq? The heck you say!

This one grim detail should melt the hardest heart. When they killed people in meat grinders, they made sure to insert them feet first so the head could experience more pain. I never thought I would hear myself say this, but it is true: even the Nazis didn't go that far.

Students of the Talmud love the phrase "savar kavasay aval lo mitaamay" - I agree with his conclusion but not for the same reason. Or as they say in the plumbing business, Drano may be a lye but it sure cleans out the junk. My personal favorite is the one where the Rabbi says to the sexton "I heard you missed services today to go to the ballgame". The sexton angrily replies "That's a lie and here is the fish to prove it". If the WMDs are a fish tale, at least that's the only thing going into the grinder.

George W knows that sometimes you can do the right thing for the wrong reason. For years, people have mocked him for trading away Sammy Sosa. Now that trade is looking like a real corker.

In loving memory of Richard Folch, RIP, who friendship and respect sustained me during the loneliest period of my life, after my mother's passing.

JWR contributor Jay D. Homnick is the author of many books and essays on Jewish political and religious affairs. Comment by clicking here.


06/05/03: Is Castro convertible?
05/23/03: Taxonomy of senatorial types
04/23/03: The Nutrasweet War against the Axis of Evil: Did Rummy forget?

© 2003, Jay D. Homnick