Jewish World Review June 11, 2003 / 11 Sivan, 5763

Michael Graham

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Mallard Fillmore

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Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

Madame Hillary's Lessons for Young Ladies | Dear Madame Hillary,

I was so excited to hear that you were adding this new Q & A forum to advance the life lessons from your new book. I can't imagine a better person for young ladies to emulate than you! Based on your personal experience, what would you say is the most important asset for a woman in a leadership position?

           —A Fan At Fordham

Dear Fan:

The most important assets for a female leader, in my experience, have been honesty, integrity and openness.

Oh, and a really good shredder

Dear Madame Hillary,

I admire you so very much and I would like to join you in the U.S. Senate one day. Do you believe that young ladies like myself can follow in your footsteps to political power?

           —Campaigning At Colgate

Dear Campaigning:

Don't ever forget that each of one us is special, unique. We must find our own way to reveal the powerful, independent spirit within. This was my path to self-empowerment:

1—Hook up with an ambitious, charismatic and pro-choice (!) co-dependant.

2—No matter how many unfamiliar earrings you find in the glove box, do not leave. Instead, use his bad behavior to build sympathy and political capital.

3—Ride your husband's coattails straight to the top. When he crashes in a self-destructive fireball, leak to the press how hurt and betrayed you felt all along.

4—Shop around for a state where he still has very high poll numbers, invite a few of his wealthy friends to fund your campaign and…voila!

Dear Madame Hillary, Like you, I am a proponent of a more just and equitable redistribution of our nation's wealth. I particularly admired how you used a small investment of $1,000 to reallocate $100,000 back to yourself on the commodities market. Unfortunately, this is barely mentioned in your book. Can you share your secret?

           —Penny-Pinching at Princeton.

Dear Penny:

A lady never discusses money in front of friends, family or a federal grand jury.

Dear Madame Hillary, According to a recent poll, 53% of Americans say they would never vote for you under any circumstances Many Americans find your behavior as First Lady opportunistic, unethical and untrustworthy. Who do you blame for this? The far-right extremists who control the media or the sexist patriarchs who dominate America's corporate culture?

           —An L.U.G. at N.Y.U.

Dear L.U.G.,

Could I get your contact information and a resume? You're brilliant!

Dear Madame Hillary,

Your husband was governor of Arkansas and you got a job at an Arkansas law firm. Your husband was President and you got a job in the U.S. Senate. This is feminism? What role of yours am I supposed to model? Would anyone be reading the life story of Hillary Rodham Kucinich?

           —Confused at Columbia.

Dear Confused,

Who gave Ann Coulter my mailing address?

Dear Madame Hillary,

My boyfriend is a louse. He constantly cheats on me, lies to me and makes me look like a fool in front of other people. He's selfish and self-absorbed and only turns to me when he's in trouble. Yes, he's rich and powerful, but he constantly denigrates me and every feminist ideal he claims to believe in.

           —Heartbroken at Harvard.

Dear Heartbroken:

And your problem is…?

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JWR contributor Michael Graham is a talk show host and author of the highly acclaimed "Redneck Nation: How the South Really Won the War." To comment, please click here.


06/03/03: War games
05/28/03: A few small reparations
05/22/03: Springtime for Hitler?

© 2003, Michael Graham