Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Hillary Clinton characterized Republican women as handmaidens for the patriarchy at a New York forum. Still smarting over 2016, she added that Trump's stupidity will leave the U.S. friendless and feeble. Donald Trump is the second U.S. president who was impeached for humiliating Hillary Clinton.

• President Trump scored his highest-ever approval rating Monday when Insider Polling reported Trump's approval rating following his lucrative trip to the Middle East stands at 55%. The cash and prizes just keep rolling in. Last Thursday, Qatar gave us a plane and on Sunday, Mexico gave us a boat.

• Joe Biden was diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer that has metastasized to the bone, however the cancer was reported to be hormone-sensitive and so it is treatable. After his prostate exam at Walter Reed Hospital on Sunday, Joe had one question for the doctor. Any sign of my car keys?

• Joe Biden's physician said Monday he'd had prostate cancer for years but it was never reported to voters. Biden's cancer revelation after his dementia cover-up is like Nixon getting phlebitis after the Watergate cover up. History teaches us you can't screw that many people and not catch something.

• Al Gore admitted he exaggerated a bit when he likened the Trump administration to the Third Reich. This month, Trump, Elon, Kanye and everyone who drives a Tesla has been called Hitler. All these fake Hitlers flooding the market have harmed the value of the real Hitler's 1933 rookie card.

• The White House ordered U.S. consular offices to deny visas to transgender athletes seeking to enter the U.S. Gender inequality isn't right in any form. At Hollywood's Barney's Beanery Bar the sign on the door reads Guys: No Shirt-No Service and underneath it reads Girls: No Shirt-Free Drinks.

• Minnesota Governor Tim Walz referred to federal immigration officers as the Gestapo Saturday in a commencement speech. He had to wear weighted shoes to keep from flying off the stage. After viewing a video of the speech Tim Walz was diagnosed by doctors with an aggressive form of jazzy hands.

• President Trump offered an economic olive branch to Iran if they'll stop trying to manufacture nuclear weapons. It's a radical departure from the previous U.S. Middle East policy by the GOP neo cons. Dick Cheney wanted to invade the Netherlands when he found out that Van Gogh painted with oils.

• Operation Guardian Angels allowed federal agents to clear L.A. County jail of illegal criminals who re-entered the U.S. after being previously deported. Reaction was mixed. Liberals in Los Angeles say they are against mass deportation, till you tell them it could save them 20 minutes on their commute.

• The New York Post reported that Sunday's Mexican Navy boat crash into the Brooklyn Bridge was caused by the boat backing into the bridge. Inspectors said the Mexican Navy boat's propellers were in reverse. Onlookers saw it going backwards and assumed it was a French Navy boat.

• FBI former director James Comey received a stern rebuke from the Secret Service for posting a photo of seashells on the beach spelling out 8647, perceivable as a threat to the President of the United States. Today Comey saw another group of seashells laid out on the beach. They spelled out Lawyer Up.

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