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• Baltimore's Francis Scott Key Bridge rebuild began Monday after being leveled by a cargo ship last year. Some want to rename it because Francis Scott Key was a white guy who owned slaves. They should compromise and name it after a black guy who owned slaves and call it the P. Diddy Bridge.
• Ad Week reported Fox News enjoyed record-breaking viewer ratings in the first quarter of 2025, even beating the networks in daytime. The news is the best comedy on TV. This just in from Rome Thursday, teenagers were caught vaping behind the Sistine Chapel and accidentally elected a new Pope.
• President Trump will fly to Saudi Arabia Friday to try to seal his Jerusalem Accords Peace Agreement. While there he said he will re-name the Persian Gulf the Gulf of Arabia. He's already renamed the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America and next he will rename Alcatraz Prison Bar-a-Lago.
• Democratic Congresswoman Ilhan Omar of Minneapolis was asked in an Al Jazeera interview if she'll concede Islamist violence should be a concern around the world. She said she's more afraid of white men and fearful of the policies of white men. That's why she moved from Somalia to Minnesota.
• Congresswoman AOC spoke to college students Tuesday and dared Trump to have her arrested and deported. Some Hispanic groups last Monday canceled their public Cinco de Mayo events because they might be targeted by ICE. They didn't want to celebrate Mexico out of fear of being sent to Mexico.
• Joe Biden gave an interview to the BBC Wednesday where he demonstrated further proof that he's slowed down while discussing his record and the Trump policies. You could tell he's keeping up with all the gossip. The interview was cut short when Joe started to explain how he and Jordan Hudson first met.
• NBC's Saturday Night Live opened with a hilarious sketch last week in which President Trump signs Belichick's Law to help Make Girlfriends Young Again. The law made age-inappropriate romantic relationships mandatory. Bill Belichick just asked Jeff Bezos when the next flight into space is.
• Chicago native Robert Francis Prevost became Pope Leo XIV and the first American in history elected pope on the 4th ballot by the College of Cardinals Thursday. Ten minutes after being elected pope and naming himself Leo XIV, he issued his first order as pope. No meetings or calls with JD Vance.
• The College of Cardinals settled on Chicago native Cardinal Robert Prevost on the second day of deliberations and elected him the Pope. His election as pope has immediate consequences for some church doctrines. It is now sacrilegious to serve anything other than Chicago-style pizza in Italy.
• The Chicago Tribune says Cardinal Robert Provost was born and raised in the Southside suburbs of Chicago. The city of Chicago couldn't be prouder of his election as pope. Only 135 Cardinals were eligible to vote, but Pope Leo XIV was elected by a voted of 735,716-43 after Cook County came in.
• Pope Leo XIV was reported Thursday to have been raised in Chicago and attended Villanova College before he became a priest and was posted to Peru. There was no escaping partisan politics. On hearing Trump's message of congratulations, a U.S. District judge overturned the election of Leo XIV.
• Pope Leo XIV addressed the hundreds of thousands in St. Peter's Square Thursday in Spanish and in Italian but not in English. I must say that his native country didn't hurt his chances. Nobody thought a pope would ever be an American but that's how much the Vatican didn't want to pay the tariff.
• The Papal Conclave was interrupted by a bishop who burst in to say the Vatican just got a phone call with good news and bad news. He said the good news is, Christ has returned to Earth to establish his kingdom and he sits on his throne today. The bad news is the call came from Salt Lake City.
• St. Peter's Square hosted 30,000 Catholics in Rome on Thursday. They were awaiting the white smoke rising from the Sistine Chapel chimney indicating a papal election. It's not nearly as fragrant as the smoke rising from the barbecue grill at the church picnic whenever the Baptists hire a new pastor.
• CNBC reports Elon Musk's DOGE cut the number of IRS tax return auditors by one-third. My own tax attorney went through the last few years and made suggestions where I could make budget cuts and save more money. So needless to say, I spray painted a swastika on his desk and torched his car.
• President Trump posted on Truth Social this week he's naming May 8th Victory in World War II Day and making it an official celebration. The war's outcome was close. World War II was won by the U.S. and Britain on May 8th, 1945, when we beat the Russians to Germany's rocket scientists by 15 minutes.
• President Trump drew fire from service veterans when he posted plans to change the name of Veterans Day to Victory in World War I Day. Actually that November 11th date in 1918 was a cease-fire Armistice. I can't wait for World War I to officially end so we can get rid of that temporary income tax.
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