Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• King Charles hosts a big parade in London today upon the 80th anniversary of the end of World War II in Europe. In a related story, a woman in North Carolina was shocked Monday when she saw a Nazi symbol on her McDonald's hamburger bun. She noticed it when it overran the French fries.

• KTLA reports the arrival of spring in Southern California has resulted in a new generation of coyotes prowling for food in Los Angeles hills and suburbs. L.A. police reported that a large coyote was spotted wandering throughout the UCLA campus for two hours. The coyote is now $21,000 in debt.

• Another Simple Favor starring Blake Lively includes an incest scene between her and her triplet sister. So to make the movie scene appear real, expert editing and AI technology is used to show Blake Lively kissing herself. After seeing the result on film, Blake's suing herself for sexual harassment.

• Newark's Airport underwent a frightening episode Monday as air traffic controllers briefly lost radar contact with all airliners arriving and taking off. Planes should use me as a good luck charm. It so happens that I just logged my one millionth mile as a member of Delta's Frequent Survivor Program.

• Newsweek reports that a recently deported criminal migrant was identified as the suspect in the terrorist plot to attack Lady Gaga's concert in Brazil with a bomb. Reaction was swift. Senator Chris Van Hollen promptly flew to Rio de Janeiro and gave the deported gang member a Brazilian bikini wax.

• Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent announced trade talks between U.S. and Chinese officials next week in Geneva. It's not true that China simply steals all our inventions and makes them cheaper. The Chinese invented the two most common things used in America's schools today, paper and gunpowder.

• Canada's new Prime Minister Mark Carney arrived at the White House Tuesday for a meeting with Trump. They'd had cordial talks over the phone. Trump likes the prime minister so much that he waived the $135 cover charge for a Canadian to enter the White House, and comped him at the door.

• Homeland Security issued an offer to illegal immigrants of $1,000 and a free plane ticket home if they agree to self-deport Monday. The smart migrants will decline and play the long game. They know they can easily make $1,000 in just three months if they can survive the summer sun in California.

• President Trump proposed reopening Alcatraz Prison in the San Francisco Bay to incarcerate illegal migrants and illegal criminals. Inmates would be treated equally, receive free food and free medical and only the guards would have guns. It's another experiment to see if Democratic polices work.

• President Trump added to his World War II Victory Day holiday order by renaming Veterans Day Victory in World War I Day. You'd think when the Germans went to war with the entire world the entire world could gang up together and quickly defeat Germany. The scary part is it was close, twice.

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