Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Cinco de Mayo was celebrated in bars and parties Monday on a day that has become America's second-biggest drinking holiday of the year. The day celebrates the Mexican Army's upset victory over the French army in 1862 in Mexico. Ah yes, the French, everyone's favorite homecoming opponent.

• King Charles appeared on the balcony before hundreds of thousands for the 80th anniversary of Victory in Europe Day Monday. May 8th, 1945, ended the war and began a new etiquette. To this day, you never ask woman her age, a man his salary or a German why his grandpa moved to Argentina.

• President Trump said he may reopen Alcatraz Prison which he said was protected by sharks. A female Olympic swimmer in San Francisco last year swam from Baker Beach to Alcatraz and back and told reporters the sharks never came close to her. I swear, even the sharks are gay in that town.

• Broadway's magazine Playbill reported the 2025 Tony Award nominations were announced last Thursday in New York. The awards will air live on CBS from Radio City Music Hall on June 8th. The Tony Awards Show is the second holiest day on the gay calendar, right behind Judy Garland's Birthday.

• CBS News cited President Trump for advertising himself as the Fertilization President and the King of IVF by offering women $5,000 to have kids. The Census Bureau reports the United States birth rate just hit an all-time low and the nation needs to produce more babies. Must Elon do everything?

• California lawmakers in Sacramento blocked a bill to make it a felony to purchase 16- or 17-year-old girls for sex or for pimps to sex traffic girls who are 16 or 17 years old. Let freedom ring. This means if P. Diddy is found guilty, he could get 8-12 years as a member of the California State Assembly.

• Homeland Security offered a new program to illegal immigrants to receive $1,000 and a plane ticket back to their home countries. I have no place to be sent now that Oklahoma's been given back to the Indians. Just because you're conceived in the back seat of a Jeep does NOT make you part Cherokee.

• The White House hailed DOGE for cutting waste and consolidating federal functions. You can push consolidation too far. Yesterday Trump told Marco Rubio he's Secretary of State, National Security Advisor, ATF chief, USAID Director and he missed a spot while mowing the White House lawn.

• The Washington Post reported statistics on the life expectancy of Baby Boomers that predicted Boomers overall will live into their 80s and many live into their 90s. How you go counts. I hope I die doing something extreme, like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don't like her new haircut.

• Elon Musk disclosed he will be leaving his government DOGE supervision after the 130-day limit by law and expressed plans to go back to work. His Tesla brand is hurting from all the vandalism and boycotts over his association with Trump. My neighbor's Tesla now self-identifies as a Trans-fender.

• Washington, D.C., Mayor Muriel Bowser said the new NFL football stadium will greatly upgrade the D.C. neighborhoods near the site. Here's a tourist warning if you are going wandering through the nation's capital. If you see a closed-down Popeye's Chicken, you are someplace you don't need to be.

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