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• New York Attorney General Letitia James is under federal probe for mortgage fraud for giving false information on her home loan application. In order to get a lower interest rate, James listed her father as her husband. It prompted Congresswoman Ilhan Omar to tell Tish to stay in your own lane.
• Kamala Harris gave a speech in San Francisco Wednesday and praised Democrats who've been speaking out in resistance. Former president Joe Biden will appear on ABC's Women of the View next Thursday. Jill will be there as well to remind Joe that he wasn't sucked into the movie Hocus Pocus.
• The Washington Commanders will build a domed stadium over the site of the mothballed RFK Stadium located on the hot, swampy banks of the Anacostia River. For 60 years the Redskins led the league in reported cases of mosquito bites and malaria. I can't believe the team colors aren't Yellow.
• Senator Chuck Schumer spoke in the Senate Tuesday and called Trump a Mafia boss. Not true but he was in the New York construction business and owned Atlantic City casinos. I'd guess Trump chose to become president because, since he is not Sicilian, the furthest he could go in New York was Underboss.
• President Trump began shaking up and moving around his Oval Office staff last week following his 100 days in office events. It surprised everyone in Washington Thursday when it was reported that National Security Advisor Mike Waltz was exiting the White House. If only there had been a Signal.
• President Trump celebrated his 100th day in office Wednesday telling a Michigan rally he's shut down the border, and the crowd went berserk. Let's just say Trump was not addressing a forum of internationalists. People said the rally was more fun than shouting ICE! in the Home Depot parking lot.
• A U.S. District Judge struck again, barring Trump from using the 1798 Alien Enemies Act to send MS-13 back to El Salvador. The resistance is being led by Democratic District judges. Today a U.S. District Judge traveled back in a time machine to 1946 and overturned the birth of Donald Trump.
• The Doomsday Clock was advanced to 89 seconds before midnight in 2025. Right now we face a possible nuclear war between India and Pakistan and a break-up of the United States over Trump Derangement Syndrome. It just illustrates how peaceful we all had it under British colonial supervision.
• Comedy Carnival reported on stand-up comics in Europe facing woke restrictions on joke topics like religion, ethnicity and race. Maybe I made a mistake accepting a gig this week opening for the Conclave. If you see puffs of red smoke from the chapel, it means they've just burned another Protestant.
• Bill Belichick lashed out at CBS Good Morning for making his 24-year-old girlfriend look like a bossy, controlling shrew. Hey, I thought CBS gave Bill a break. They did edit out when she broke in again to overrule Bill and say North Carolina will be running the 3-4 defense this fall and not the 4-3.
• Bill Belichick lashed out at CBS Good Morning for making his 24-year-old girlfriend look like a bossy, controlling shrew. Hey, I thought CBS gave Bill a break. They did edit out when she broke in again to overrule Bill and say North Carolina will be running the 3-4 defense this fall and not the 4-3. Elon Musk reported Monday he will finish working the remaining 25 days of his 130 days of his government service later this month. Musk is anxious to leave DOGE and get back to doing what he does best. Ever since Elon started working day and night for Trump, the global birth rate has plummeted.
• The Treasury Department announced the U.S. and Ukraine agreed on Trump's rare minerals deal which includes U.S. access to graphite and titanium. Graphite golf shafts give golfers 30 extra yards off the tee and titanium is used to harden our rockets. Trump almost traded Mar a Lago to get it.
• The Pentagon says a $70 million F-18 fighter jet fell off the deck of an aircraft carrier and sank into the Red Sea. That's the government explanation. However MSNBC is reporting the fighter jet leaped overboard when it found out the Trump Online Store is now selling hats inscribed Trump in 2028.
• The White House was urged by a British reporter to grant political asylum for Britons arrested for posting or telling politically incorrect jokes. One party's offense is the other party's laugh. After telling them for decades, I've found the problem with political jokes is that too many of them get elected.
• JD Vance was praised by Trump in Wednesday's cabinet meeting for moving along trade talks in India last week. He works hard at the job. The Constitution written in 1787 delegates two duties to the VP, the duty to preside over and to break tie votes in the Senate, and the duty to steal Greenland. Kamala Harris announced she'll live stream a speech from the Palace Hotel in San Francisco to rebuke President Trump. It caused a quick reaction when it was reported that she's charging everyone $25 to stream the speech. Spectrum announced it will charge $100 to activate your mute button.
• Stanford University Center for Longevity issued an astounding projection that one out of every two 5-year olds today will live to be 100 years old due to scientific advances. I once read that 90% of the people who live to be 100 are women. I have a feeling Bruce Jenner may have read the same thing.
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