Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Deion Sanders' QB son Shedeur Sanders wasn't drafted until the 6th round as NFL teams felt his average talent didn't merit his hyper-cocky personality. The Cleveland Browns finally agreed to take him. He and his father objected to the $100,000 signing bonus, but eventually Deion paid it in full.

• Kristi Noem's purse was stolen with $3,000 in it last week while she was dining at a restaurant in Washington, D.C., but the FBI caught the thief Friday. Turns out the thief who stole the purse of the Director of Homeland Security was an illegal alien. That's one way to save on airfare to El Salvador.

• The Department of Commerce said Friday trade talks are progressing with China in the wake of China's retaliation over U.S. tariffs. This past week, China's government banned the purchase of all Boeing airliners. And now I don't know where China will get planes with self-crashing technology.

• Business Week cited worries by shopping malls and commercial building landlords of declining occupancy due to online shopping and banking. It started during pandemic lockdowns. Last week an interviewer asked me to name a city that changed my entire life and without hesitation I replied Wuhan.

• The National Retail Federation says retail sales are way up, attributed by analysts to Americans stocking up ahead of tariff price hikes. Some of the president's orders aren't helping retail sales. I can no longer go shopping because President Trump banned men from participating in women's sports.

• The Daily Mail says a London man was arrested for posting a meme mocking the Transgender Pride flag. I feel badly for all my distant cousins in the Mother Country. These days, I can think of nothing worse than coming up with a really funny joke then suddenly remembering you're in England.

• Luigi Mangione pleaded not guilty to federal charges of murdering a United Health Care CEO in New York. His manhunt ended when he was spotted while eating a salad at a McDonald's in Altoona, which never made sense to me. Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a whore house for a hug.

• President Trump supported Massapequa High School in New York that is fighting state efforts to get rid of their Chiefs mascot name. I believe Chiefs symbolizes Native American pride and courage. Only a remake of Blazing Saddles would cast Patrick Mahomes as quarterback for the Kansas City Crackers.

• Elon Musk posted a notice Wednesday announcing that he will be leaving his duties as DOGE Director in May. His cuts saved the U.S. government $160 billion while the outrage against his cuts has cut Tesla's stock value $160 billion. Think of the time he could have saved by just cutting us a check.

• The Women of the View attacked President Trump, claiming his proposal for a $5,000 bonus for new babies is intended to produce more white children. The paranoia is hilarious. Health and Human Services just took all the color out of Fruit Loops and now they are moving on to the general population.

• Governor Tim Walz's state budget analyst had his charges dropped by a woke Minneapolis DA for keying six Teslas. Walz had rooted on TV for Tesla stock to collapse while forgetting that his state pension fund was heavily invested in Tesla. If Tim Walz owned a funeral parlor people would stop dying.

• James Carville got into a nasty spat with young Democrats who demand generational change in party leadership at the top level Tuesday. The next day I simply couldn't believe the news that Illinois U.S. Senator Dick Durban announced he was retiring from Washington D.C. politics. He's only 80.

• Congresswoman AOC has a big lead over Democrat Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer in a potential primary for his seat. She's been on a Fight the Oligarchy tour with Bernie in a private jet. It's funny how private jet companies advertise for customers on Fox News and all they attract are MSNBC regulars.

• Shaquille O'Neal ran off the set of TNT's basketball playoff coverage with diarrhea Monday while on the air in LA. The big guy couldn't hold it in any longer. Last week when Mexico's sewage overflowed into Southern California, they never figured on a counter-attack of such biblical proportions.

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