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• Pope Francis was remembered by all Monday for his willingness to live humbly. When Francis became pope 12 years ago, he moved out of the Vatican palace, moved into a one-bedroom apartment, and drove a small compact car. He made every divorced man in America think that he could be pope, too.
• Minnesota Governor Tim Walz’s fiscal policy analyst was arrested for torching Teslas parked in a grocery store lot. However charges were dropped Tuesday. Elon Musk is now being urged to buy Harley Davidson, just to see what happens to protestors when they vandalize Harleys outside a biker bar.
• Senator Elizabeth Warren was ambushed by a podcast interviewer Tuesday who backed her into a corner over her previous assertion that Joe Biden was sharp while president, and all Liz could say was she saw Biden on his feet. When was that? Joe Biden’s Indian name was Dances with Pavement.
• Al Gore gave an Earth Day speech in San Francisco and compared the Trump administration to the early rise of Nazi Germany on Tuesday. His sonorous speech cadence hasn’t changed in 35 years. Al Gore remains an inspiration to every American who ever suffered from Dutch Elm Disease.
• The Supreme Court heard arguments on a parent’s right to opt their kids out of Drag Queen readings. It’s insane. I’ll say this for Trans activists, they’ve brought Christians, Jews and Muslims into total agreement on something for the first time in history and for that they deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.
• Secretary of State Marco Rubio downsized the State Department Tuesday laying off hundreds of duplicate positions and departments. A lot of State Department employees who work from home enjoy sipping what they call work-from-home coffee while on the job. It has Margarita in it and also no coffee.
• Blue Origin's six women celebrity astronauts fanned out on networks last week to rave about the sense of accomplishment they feel after their 11-minute ride into space. They refer to themselves as astronauts. Well, if going into space for 11 minutes makes you an astronaut, then I'm a gynecologist.
• Katy Perry was nothing if not theatrical describing her strapped-in trip to space and back in 11 minutes. We did the same flight with a chimp in 1961. Katy burst out of the capsule after landing and kissed the ground like she had been stranded in space for eight months by the Biden administration.
• Senator Chris Van Hollen flew to El Salvador on Saturday where he had lunch with imprisoned MS-13 gangster Kilmar Garcia. The gang makes billions running drugs and guns into the U.S. and they get their pick of the young women they traffic. After two Margaritas the senator agreed to join MS-13.
• Senator Chris Van Hollen returned from El Salvador after having margaritas with the deported MS-13 Kilmar Garcia. The establishment media has mobilized behind the cause of the wife-beating criminal gang banger. We're all waiting for the new MS-13 Face on the Milk Carton series to come out.
• Senator Eric Schmidt wrote a bill to make the Monday after Easter a federal holiday. I hope my Christian readers enjoyed a happy Easter. I also hope my Jewish friends in New York and L.A. had a great Sunday where it was Passover, as well as my Jewish friends in the Midwest where it was Flyover.
• The South China Post reported Sunday that China is returning to Boeing three Boeing airliners in retaliation for Trump's tariffs, which hit China pretty hard. The trade situation with China has gone helter skelter. Sunday a fire burned down the Temu warehouse in China causing damage in the tens of dollars.
• Pioneer Woman rated Bill Gates' commencement speech to Northern Arizona College in 2023 the best ever. The guest speaker is always preceded by a speech by the student with the best grades. I think that the student with the worst grades should also give a speech because I want to hear both sides.
• Fox News reported Friday in the wake of Joe Biden's speech in Chicago the former president is now asking for a $300,000 speaking fee for banquets and events. It‘s a typically clever Biden family ploy. Every time some group offers Joe $300,000 to speak, the DNC will pay him $500,000 to keep quiet.
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