Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The 2025 Masters tees off in Augusta, Georgia today sponsored by Mercedes-Benz. The German automaker was just slapped with a 25% tariff, on top of state, federal and local sales taxes. Here in West Hollywood, foreign cars are now so expensive, it's cheaper to buy cocaine and just run everywhere

• Disney Studio cancelled production on a movie version of the Rapunzel fairy tale due to popular backlash against woke re-depictions of classic stories. The angry reaction is real. Last night at the grocery store, I left two Snow White tickets inside my car and somebody broke in and left four more.

• Cleveland Browns owner Jimmy Haslam admitted that trading for QB DeShaun Watson and giving him a massive 5-year contract three years ago was a huge mistake. DeShaun has received $230 million and he's done nothing. It's not too late for him to qualify as a Non Governmental Organization.

• President Trump greeted the World Series champion Los Angeles Dodgers to the White House Monday while the team was in DC playing the Nationals. A jolly good time was had by all. When Trump noticed all the Japanese players on the Dodgers, he slapped a 25% tariff on the team out of habit.

• California Governor Gavin Newsom announced a program he says addresses equity in traffic enforcement in which speeding ticket fines are based on the speeding driver's income. The less you make the less you have to pay. Yesterday I showed the cop my 401K and he handed me a hundred bucks.

• President Trump said Tuesday 75 countries have called him to renegotiate trade deals since his tariff sent the Dow Jones on a wild ride downward over the last seven days. I can prove to you that happiness is all about perspective. If you hold the stock market chart upside down, it doesn't look so bad.

• Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett struck again Tuesday, advocating use of illegal immigrants to pick the cotton crops. Trying to put coal plants and oil companies out of business isn't enough, now Democrats are going after John Deere. Nothing runs like a Deere, unless it's an illegal immigrant.

• Mexican drug cartels are reported attacking and shooting up drug rehab clinics in Mexico. This is an effort by the drug dealers to keep drug addicts as regular paying customers. They were going to buy pharmaceutical advertising on Meet the Press but they couldn't fit the side effects into 30 seconds.

• Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was photographed sitting in the First Class section while she was flying to speak at a Bernie Sanders rally. I'm glad for all the other passengers that AOC was sitting in First Class. History teaches us that if you put a socialist in Economy they'll destroy it.

• The Hands Off rallies against Elon Musk were held in cities last weekend were discovered to be financed by leftist interest groups. These relentlessly angry protestors remind me of my ex-girlfriend when we were going together. I could always tell what mood she was in by what she was throwing at me.

• President Trump moved to re-invigorate the U.S. coal industry Tuesday and signed an executive order ending the leasing moratorium on coal plants on federal land. I guess it's time they caught a break. All I know is that hundreds of minors have been out of work since the death of Jeffrey Epstein.

• Tom Brady is an investor in a breakthrough biological project on Tuesday that used DNA from fossils to clone and bring back the Dire Wolf. It had been extinct for 10,000 years. GOP Senators are sure to back federal funding for this process if it has any chance of bringing back Mitch McConnell.

• The Supreme Court ruled in separate decisions Monday to back Trump's right to deport illegal migrant criminals and his ability to fire federal workers. The Founders wrote executive authority into the Constitution in 1787. We only left England so we could switch Georges and give ours more power.

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