Argus Hamilton
important news ....
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The National Football League is holding its college player
draft tomorrow in New York, televised on ESPN. The day-long
selection process will be sponsored by Coors. The league counts on
alcohol to keep the players in the news during the off-season.
The New York Times said Donald Trump gave the Apprentice a
job that doesn't exist. The Chicago skyscraper he's supposed to
manage hasn't been built and doesn't have any financing. Even the
terrorists have shelved plans for the project.
Grace and Power is published next month about Jack Kennedy's
presidency. They were perilous times. Whenever his wife traveled
abroad, the fire marshal tried to block off access to the
president's bedroom because he didn't have a parade permit.
Russian Vitali Klitschko goes for the WBC heavyweight belt
Saturday as brother Vladimir Klitschko trains for the WBA title.
Their dad Marshal Klitschko commanded the Red Army. Just hearing
about them caused Poland to withdraw from Iraq Wednesday.
Senator Chuck Hagel proposed Tuesday reinstating the
military draft. The Vietnam veteran believes a buildup of U.S.
troops may be needed in Iraq to put down rebel insurgents. The
good thing about repeating your mistakes is you know when to cringe.
Ralph Nader sabotaged John Kerry Wednesday by announcing to
reporters he will run for president on an anti-war platform. The
Democratic candidate reacted instinctively. As soon as the first
poll came out he put in for another Purple Heart.
John Kerry staked his claim as champion of the environment
Thursday at Earth Day celebrations. The Democrats don't exactly
own this holiday. Republicans believe that the Earth comes first,
we can always strip mine the other planets later.
U.S. Congressman Charlie Rangel Wednesday demanded an end to
community service work requirements for people who live in federal
public housing in his district in Harlem. It's a social
experiment. The theory is, those that sponge off the public
payroll ought to work, and those that refuse to work don't deserve
to be re-elected.
Michael Jackson was indicted by a grand jury in Santa
Barbara Wednesday for child molestation. Kobe Bryant faces a rape
charge and Robert Blake will soon go on trial for the murder of
his wife. Los Angeles superstars stepped in to fill the void when
America decided to stop electing presidents for their
entertainment value.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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