Jewish World Review April 16, 2004 / 26 Nissan, 5764

Lloyd Grove

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Does this ‘Apprentice’ need some etiquette lessons?; kerry's laff-riot stepson; fully baked?; more | NEW YORK — What do you do when you're down and out and fired from "The Apprentice"?

Bayonne, N.J., native Nick Warnock — a Xerox salesman who got the boot from Donald Trump last week on NBC's hit reality show — apparently gets very grumpy.

Witnesses told this column that the 27-year-old Warnock — who likes to boast: "There's no account I can't penetrate, and no client I can't close" — couldn't buy, beg or steal his way into the Chelsea nightclub Marquee in the wee hours Wednesday.

Faced with failure, he lost it.

"F — - this!" he was heard yelling at the beefy doormen, who refused to allow him and his fellow fired "Apprentice" contestants, Bowie Hogg and Jason Curis, past the velvet ropes.

Warnock, who had been spotted moments earlier stumbling up 10th Ave., was informed that he just couldn't be accommodated because he appeared to be intoxicated.

"That's bulls — -!" Warnock exploded, according to this column's spies, who said Hogg and Curis, by contrast, seemed chagrined by their companion's behavior.

"He was rude," a witness said. "He had a really, really bad attitude."

On Thursday, Warnock insisted the witnesses have it all wrong.

"We were in town celebrating," he told us.

Was he drunk?

"We were having a great time," he answered. "They weren't too accommodating letting us all in. . . . I apologize if I offended anyone."

As for reports of all that cussin', "I don't recall saying that," Warnock said. "I'm a nice guy, and I would never want to offend anyone."

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Nothing's wrong with Andre Heinz: He's rich, handsome and very funny.

John Kerry's 34-year-old stepson killed Wednesday night when the Democratic nominee-designate brought him on stage at the Chelsea club Crobar, the scene of an SRO $101-a-head fundraiser.

Heinz, an environmental consultant who'd flown in from Switzerland, took the mike, apologizing in a heavy accent, "I'm am so sorry that I don' speeeek gud Eenglays."

Some in the crowd were fooled. Arianna Huffington's eyes went wide.

Does President Bush's opponent really have a foreigner in his family?

But Heinz quickly segued into perfect English, provoking laughter — and relief.

Wearing a stylish gray peg-legged suit, he bopped all over the stage like a hyperactive child and did his impressions of Bill Clinton ("I don't want to steal your limelight!"), George Bush the Elder ("Stay the course!"), and even Arnold Schwarzenegger ("I can be president after you!").

On hand to show their support were Marisa Tomei, Natalie Portman, Blink 182's Tom DeLonge and "Sopranos" star Steve Buscemi — whom Sen. Chuck Schumer called "John Buscemi."

Kerry proved to be less adept at comedy than his stepson. His clunker — "I found out that Natalie Portman was too young to be vice president, and no — you can't have her phone number" — elicited groans.


WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT, MIKEY?: The least informative press release in the history of "60 Minutes" reveals that Mike Wallace will ask Bob Woodward a whole bunch of questions on Sunday about "Plan of Attack," the Washington Post sleuth's secret book about the U.S. war on Iraq. In a series of blind items, the release teases: "Which foreign dignitary was told of the plans to attack days before even key Cabinet members were briefed?" And: "Which key advisers did President Bush ask — and not ask — about whether he should go to war with Iraq?" And: "In the war's wake, which top administration officials now barely speak to each other?"

NO BENIFER: A spy for this column in Chicago witnessed a touching scene Thursday when Matt Damon said goodbye to his non-celebrity girlfriend Luciana Barroso at the Peninsula Hotel, where the two have been holed up all week. Playing the smitten boyfriend, the 33-year-old movie star carried the 28-year-old interior decorator's luggage into a waiting car. "They were both obviously upset that she was leaving," the spy said. "They were hugging and kissing, and when she got into the car, he screamed out 'Bye, baby! Have a good trip!'" The best part? Since Barroso isn't a publicity-mad actress, there won't be any "Gigli" to suffer through.

CAN THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE BE FAR BEHIND?: With typical modesty, Time magazine is gearing up to name the world's 100 most influential and powerful people — and one of them happens to be reality television czar Mark Burnett. "Mark Burnett is a great visionary, able to see into the future with far better accuracy than any of his competitors," a fervent fan gushes in the mag. "His No. 1 talent is having the right idea at the right time. Where that kind of talent comes from is always a bit of a mystery, but I think his insight into our culture has to do with coming from Britain." Burnett's effusive admirer? Donald Trump.

FULLY BAKED?: Two out of three prominent liberal Democrat Als — namely, Sharpton and Franken — are expected to be on hand Saturday afternoon for's bake-sale fundraiser at Teany, the Lower East Side restaurant owned by techno-rocker Moby.

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04/14/04: Dick Clark's diabetes; Barbara Walters' $6 Million book; reality (television) bites; more
04/09/04: S-e-x and the Koran; PETA targets Beyonce; more
04/08/04: Stephen King vs. ABC; trapping the love rat; Liv-ing it up; more
04/02/04: Don't mess with Brooke Hogan's dad; lawyers dancing on the head of a pin?; Trump vs. Trump?; more
04/01/04: D'OH! "Simpsons" actors in dispute with Fox; Diane Sawyer and Janet Jackson won't be bosom buddies; Condi and Maxim?
03/31/04: Hair-raising day on Wall Street; Foxy lady loses 50 Cent; How do you say "party animal" in Hebrew?; Rev. Al and Janet Jackson; more
03/26/04: Bye, bye Banfield; from porn to politics?; more
03/24/04: The perils of film criticism; Dole-ing out compliments; but what about a cure for career lag?; more
03/19/04: Trump trumps everything; Mario vs. Joe; Trudeau pays up; more
03/17/04: Remembering Hillary %*&$#! Clinton; PUT AWAY THAT KRYPTONITE!; more
03/12/04: OOPS!, did Jayson Blair do it again?; skewing Young; more
03/10/04: The laugh that dare not speaks its name; Mistaken identity? NAH!; Is this a great country or what?
03/05/04: Bush vs. Kerry: a Skull session; Kramer vs. The Times, scorch session; enthusiasm curbed; (Tina) Brown-nosing?
03/03/04: Oscars memorialize Hitler's fave filmmaker; baubles, bangles and Kelly Osbourne; moonwalking through cyberspace; more
02/27/04: Regan rebellion; Ed Limato strikes again!; tears for Tom; more
02/26/04: McCain predicts a nasty campaign; the misdirected missive; Janet Jackson, the interview; more
02/20/04: Introducing the Kerry sisters; cyberflap!; Snoop Dogg v. O'Reilly?; more
02/18/04: John Kerry's Friendster?; On the mend?; food for fraughtm; more
02/13/04: John & Carolyn, redux; Zell Miller shows the flag; kill Quentin?; more
02/11/04: HE FEELS BAD!; Dick Cheney, still not dead; more
02/06/04: Glittering Grammys; a laurel for Janet; Haryl's heart
02/04/04: Shriver quits NBC; "Marshmallow" Mike Tyson?; Super Bowl propriety?; MTV's next production?; more
01/30/04: The political forehead front; Alies meets Franken; the art of the hype; arrested career development?
01/28/04: Eyebrow-raising politics; call him indescribable; Woods vs. Williams; more
01/23/04: Eyebrow-raising mystery; who's punk'd anyway?; don't curb your enthusiasm; more
01/21/04: Ridiculous lives of the self-important stars; long arm of the law; all's fair in love and literature
01/16/04: Global warming at a glacial pace; targeting pop culture; Is 'the price of loyalty' too high?
01/14/04: Busting on the "cult buster"; Sarsgaard thinks globally; one angry woman; more
01/08/04: Sitcom star won't be excused from Blake murder trial; fierstein on fire; Drudge & Blumenthal, together again
01/07/04: Bono hits a brick wall; Britney, before the nuttiness; the Arianna primary; more
01/02/04: Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio!?; "Bachelor" bruises; Returning to the scene of the crime?
12/31/03: Disaster for the defense; no-war Omar; the shoe must go on; more
12/19/03: Bob Shapiro's free commercial?; Are sophisticated and hip New Yawkers easily duped?; Positive Saddam fallout?; Ratty insult?
12/17/03: Magic Mystery Tour?; Russell Simmons battles ink by the barrel; Would it have killed her to say 'get well soon'?; no Gest room
12/12/03: Karenna defends her dad; now she tells us!; say it ain't so, Mo!; more
12/10/03: Man & wife, interruptus; pepperoni has feelings, too; more
12/05/03: The knives are out; Who's sorry now?; JWR in the news
12/04/03: The war of the gest-minnellis; something borrowed, something cashmere; fashion trendsetter, nailed!
12/03/03: Colombian grace under pressure; Lord of the Screwups; more
12/02/03: Curb your anti-Semitism?; fame fatigue?; bowing to pressure?; more
12/01/03: Dennis the Menace strikes again; first literary feud of the holiday season; Norma Jean & Hef in heaven?; the fog of McNamara; more
11/26/03: Catherine Crier raps Jacko's TV defender, refuses on-air hint of racism; At 50, Tina's in full cry; STAY OUT OF HER WAY!; more
11/25/03: The mogul strikes back?; go ahead, make Harvey's day; more
11/24/03: Georgette's pilfered baubles; prosecutor of pop?; absent but not missed?; Norman Mailer's prescription for education reform; more
11/20/03: Is a movie career in store for Maria Bartiromo?; People for the Unethical Treatment of Humans?; more
11/19/03: Scientologists on Razor's edge?; picking a winner?; source on a hot tin roof?; more
11/18/03: Clay Aiken neuters PETA?; THEM'S FIGHTIN' WORDS!; a mural for Joe
11/17/03: When networks attack!; leaky Fawcett; forget the Paris Hilton video!; more
11/13/03: Publicity hounds; Prophetic priest; Dumb and Dumber
11/12/03: Not so Rosie; do you believe in miracles?; catalogue of sins; My Heart Belongs to Koppel
11/10/03: Gen. clark on the Subway diet; life of the party; MTV's Dumb and Dumber?; the hug issue; but does the $6,000 shower curtain convey?; red faces at Buckingham palace?
11/06/03: Let them eat pita?; verbal jousting; pretenders to the throne?
11/05/03: Will Harvey Weinstein and Gregg Easterbrook now be pals?; crazed Quentin; more
11/04/03: Herding off the hipsters; more
11/03/03: Dean's tell-all on himself?; Lisaraye vs. Mya?; the odd couple; no need to panic; just don't call him "Scooter"!; Rosie scenarios
10/30/03: Autumn of the editor?; Cynthia Nixon's split may be costly; 'Burning' questions
10/29/03: Ah-nold, unauthorized!; a dilemma for Melissa Gilbert? not even Frank Gifford can help him now!; nobody wanted Elizabeth Hurley
10/28/03: It's Cher calling!; Brown Alert
10/27/03: Paparazzi uncensored!; where's Aaron Brown?; postcards from the middle; invasion of the party snatchers?; House flooded when not afire?; suspenders of disbelief?
10/23/03: Ace up Howard Dean's sleeve; Woody's ordeal; Paul Simon's kid makes good; the non-beginning of a beautiful friendship?
10/22/03: Showing the flag; Joe Frazier, smokin'!; see Carville bruised-up — sort of
10/21/03: Morris & Jaci's charm offensive; Hell hath no fury; Wintertime for Hitler
10/20/03: Isn't it rich?; men (and the occasional woman) behaving badly; peacenik John Lennon supporting the U.S. military?; courageous Connie
10/16/03: George Clooney and intolerable Drudgery; Cameron goes native; and you thought the war in Iraq was nasty?; now it can be revealed; star wars?
10/15/03: Kerik into the breach?; holiday pander?; "the Dink" corrects the record; more
10/14/03: Madge gets mad, lips are sealed; the candidates who listen; he who hesitates is Beatty
10/13/03: Clothes, but no cigar; New Yorkers put a Sox in it; mad at Matalin?; more
10/09/03: Gray Davis goes to the movies; Ali Wentworth, working blue; Law & Order?; pot of gold at the end of the rainbow room?
10/08/03: Art-time for Hitler; the actress who hates movies; lying "Liam"
10/07/03: Pond scum of the rich and famous
07/24/03: Ali and George, living it up; Mel Gibson's Washington power play
07/21/03: White House smear?
07/17/03: Yet another intern scandal; it's her party and she can pay if she wants to
07/14/03: On the auction block: JFK'S boxer shorts; love bytes the maestro
07/10/03: A hairy situation at Homeland Security; Van Susteren v. Orth
06/30/03: Rep. Patrick Kennedy: I've never worked a (bleeping) day in my life; Drudge's dressing down; Ken Lay's Kerry connection
06/26/03: Rapping the beat
06/23/03: Another Watergate scandal?; AL GORE TV!
06/19/03: Tony Snow, rocker?; that won't be crow on Mr. Carlson's plate
06/16/03: Missing dog, ransom demand, Hollywood ending
06/12/03: Giving both parties the needle
06/05/03: Incoming from Barbara Bush?
06/02/03: Bob Dole's plan for fighting unemployment
05/29/03: Newt's new novel
05/27/03: Hitchens & Blumenthal, together again; He still believes in a man called Hope
05/09/03: Close, but no cigar; Romeo & Juliet with a happy ending?; Geraldo to help Heebs?
05/05/03: So Bill Gates and Tom Brokaw walk into a coffee bar . . .; hotel hell; more

© 2003, Creators Syndicate