Jewish World Review April 28, 2003 / 26 Nisan, 5763

Keith Olbermann

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Because you just can't take the news too seriously ... | What of the most valuable artifact that might be smuggled out of Iraq? That would be Saddam Hussein. Hearts fluttered for a moment today in Tikrit.

No, it's not Saddam, just an incredible simulation. This unidentified man believed to be a distant cousin of Saddam was stopped by coalition forces, but the thrills subsided quickly as he told reporters, they have a list of 55 wanted people and they realized I am not one of those so they left.

And he added, "I am not Roman Polanski either."

On the Dixie Chicks: How can anybody think an image like this one might help you get back in the country's good graces? Good gracious. It's the Dixie Chicks, not even wearing a smile, donning merely the criticism they've gotten, on the cover of next week's "Entertainment Weekly" magazine.

On historical figures: 106 years ago today, "The Washington Times" became the first newspaper to assign a full-time reporter to the White House, something the presidents- then and now- were not happy about. And no, it was not Helen Thomas.

Hey, polygamists get offended too: Three days after Sen. Satorum analogy of homosexuality with polygamy and incest drew the ire of gay rights groups, they have now drawn the ire of a polygamist group. Owen Allred, the 89-year-old head of the United Apostolic Brethren, said he thought Mr. Santorum was right to speak up for the sacred rights of marriage, and then some. But Mr. Allred, who claims biblical instruction for polygamy, said comparing it to homosexuality tarnished polygamy, proving sometimes you just can't please everyone.

Life imitating art: You will recall the plot of the movie and Broadway musical "The Producers," complete with its open audition for Hitler look-alikes. Theatrical producers in London, have now taken out an advertisement in the trade paper "The Stage" looking for actors who think they look like Saddam Hussein. "Will all the dancing Saddams please leave the stage? We're only trying out singing Saddams today." No details on what kind of play they have planned, nor its name, nor the plot. But, performers are advise that had clean-shaven applicants need not be discouraged- fake mustaches will be provided by the management.

Persistence never dies: And if they need somebody to play Saddam's whacky sidekick, Minister of Information Said "What-me-worry" Sahhaf there is evidence tonight that he is still alive. A Portuguese magazine says it had arranged an interview with Sahhaf for yesterday near the Baghdad house in which it says he has been hiding since the regime collapsed. Al-Sahhaf was going to chat, then wanted the reporters to help him surrender to U.S. forces, because, quoting a go-between, "The minister does not know how." But, at the last minute, says the magazine, the deal fell through and Al-Sahhaf's whereabouts are unknown. In fact, we are told his last message to the Portuguese reporters was, "Portugal, there is no Portugal. It is merely Spain spelled differently."

On democracy: You may not be able to vote for [President Bush]. In Alabama, the deadline to be on the 2004 presidential ballot is August 31, but the Republican convention, to be held later than usual next year, will not renominate Mr. Bush before September 2. Republicans in Alabama have drafted legislation to extend the deadline until September 5. But in Alabama, Democrats control the state legislature, and no deadline-extending measure has yet been passed. So how did all this happen? Why is the Republican convention delayed next year? In part to avoid a scheduling conflict with the 2004 Olympics… which you can watch on MSNBC.

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The writer hosts MSNBC's “Countdown with Keith Olbermann.” The news program, dedicated to all of the day’s top stories, telecasts weeknights, 8-9 p.m. ET. Comment by clicking here.

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04/21/03: Reading your own obituary ... and other 'oops' moments
04/15/03: Saddam Hussein and the Sorcerer's Stone: The secret to Saddam's immortality

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