
• A San Francisco judge dictated U.S. foreign policy, ordering Trump to return criminal El Salvador gangsters that the U.S. classified as foreign terrorists and deported. The law-fare just never ends. The next day, an activist judge ordered Trump not to turn his head the next time someone takes a shot at him.
• U.S. District Judge Tanya Chutkan prevented the EPA from reclaiming money that DOGE ordered seized from Green New Deal groups after terminating their contracts. I try to do my environmental duties. I helped save the planet Friday when I pulled over on Las Vegas Boulevard and put out a Tesla.
• NBC News aired dramatic footage of Tesla dealerships being torched in Las Vegas and Kansas City, dozens of Tesla cars fire-bombed, which prompted a backlash by conservatives to buy one. So what's the toast you say when you raise a glass to congratulate your friend on buying a Tesla? Molotov!
• Tesla dealerships in Las Vegas and Kansas City suffered firebombing attacks by leftist protestors all this past week. I know this much, the protesters were not History Majors in college. Two of them set fire to a Tesla because Musk is Hitler, and then drive off in a Volkswagen thinking they showed Hitler!
• Elon Musk expressed his exasperation Thursday about Democrats vilifying him for cutting waste and fraud in U.S. government spending. A complaint was posted online by a U.S. Army war veteran denouncing Elon Musk for taking away his Social Security. Records show he served in the War of 1812.
• Elon Musk's SpaceX rocket brought home the two stranded astronauts who splashed down in the Gulf of America Tuesday. They were greeted by a school of dolphins frolicking around the capsule. Anti-Musk protestors spent the rest of the week painting swastikas on the dolphins and setting them on fire.
• CNN interviewed anti-Musk protestors who vow to take down Tesla to punish Musk for reducing waste and fraud. The Left was demanding everyone drive electric cars and now they're torching them. If they'd leave Teslas alone and destroy speed bumps instead, they'd have everybody I know on their side.
• Teachers' union president Randi Weingarten denounced Trump's plan to dismantle the entire Department of Education due to miserable school test scores by kids. It carries on into their adult lives. Thousands of Education Department office holders will be reading their eviction notices at a 2nd-grade level.
• The White House honored their pledge of total transparency, releasing the JFK assassination files with CIA in 1963. We already knew Jack Kennedy slept around, drank daiquiris and snorted cocaine with movie stars. He so portended the Disco Era, Queen Elizabeth should have dubbed him a Boogie Knight.
• The CIA released 80,000 classified pages of files on the JFK assassination in 1963 on Monday. For sixty years, theories have circulated that he was either killed by the CIA or the Mob or both working together. No one buys the popular theory in Los Angeles that President Kennedy was killed by Gluten.
• President Trump stood his ground on tariffs in a lengthy interview with Laura Ingraham on Fox News Tuesday and he emphatically stood by his decision to slap a 200% tariff on all wine that's imported from France. The tax affects the winos in downtown Beverly Hills. They live along Skid Drive.
• Attorney General Pam Bondi reports judges have filed 160 injunctions halting Trump's policies including deportation, USAID cuts, federal firings, DEI and transgenders in the military. The bitter partisanship risks affecting the U.S. economy. Today an activist judge ordered egg prices to go back up.
• Governor Gavin Newsom said L.A. has more than enough water to fight this year's wildfires. The president has ordered water released from Northern California to fill up reservoirs to help put out any sudden conflagrations. And starting this week, Teslas are now required to park near fire hydrants.
• NBC reports that Mike Tyson is monetizing his most infamous moment in the ring when he bit off Evander Holyfield's ear in 1998 by marketing gummies shaped like an ear. He's calling them Mike Bites. If this doesn't give Monica Lewinsky a marketing idea that'll make her millions, I give up on her.
• The L.A. Dodgers opened the Major League Baseball season in Japan sweeping a two-game series with the Chicago Cubs. They played inside the cavernous Tokyo Dome, packed with 55,000 fans. After the second game, the crowd set a brand-new Japanese record with 2,657 car accidents in the parking lot.
• Kamala's VP Tim Walz discussed how masculine he is on Gavin Newsom's podcast Tuesday. He came under comedic ridicule during the 2024 campaign for the impossibly gay way he threw his arms in the air and danced onto the stage at rallies. Liza Minnelli now considers him the Man That Got Away.
• The NTSB is currently investigating a private jet that crashed in Mesquite, Texas. This year planes have collided in mid-air, caught fire, lost doors during flight, and flipped upside down on landing. If Chicken Little were alive today, he'd be running around the barnyard saying the airplanes are falling.
• Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and House Democrats broke into an open civil war over his vote with the GOP to keep the government open. They're squabbling on MSNBC and CNN. Right now it appears that the Democrats are more screwed than the Kardashians during the NBA All-Star Weekend in Las Vegas.
• A French lawmaker stood in the European Parliament Monday and demanded that the United States return the Statue of Liberty to France. To be honest, I'm surprised we still have it. I would have guessed by now that Trump would have traded it in for a younger, hotter Eastern European statue.
• President Trump said the peace talks were off to a good start Tuesday after his two-hour phone call with Putin. There's no shortage of good will. Putin offered to fly to the U.S. and broker a peace deal to end the savage 10-year-long war between Donald Trump and federal judges appointed by Obama.
• President Trump signed an Executive Order directing Education Secretary Linda McMahon to dissolve the Department of Education. They are close, as she co-founded the WWE. If nothing else, America owes Trump a great debt for taking politics and raising it to the level of professional wrestling.
• President Trump vowed to ditch the Department of Education and let states run the schools. It's an attempt to return to the good old days. When Baby Boomers were in grade school, our desktops weren't just work tables, they also protected us from tornadoes, earthquakes and a Soviet nuclear attack.
• The White House ordered 80,000 classified documents released on Jack Kennedy's assassination in Dallas in 1963. I looked at it a new way today and I realized that things didn't end well for the two centrist Democratic presidents in my lifetime. Bill Clinton is lucky he only got his other head blown off.
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