Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• ABC's Women of the View led a new charge on DOGE Director Elon Musk Thursday. They said he must be sent back to South Africa because he was raised under racial segregation. If that's the rule, here I am in Hollywood wondering if I could be sent back to the United States for the same reason.

• The Hindustan Times reported that Elon's market valuation for Tesla has fallen under a trillion dollars due to slumping sales in Europe's EV market. Electric vehicles haven't been getting very good publicity lately. The last 3 pages of the Chevy Volt owner's manual are the local bus and train schedules.

• NBC's Saturday Night Live aired a 50th anniversary special that drew huge ratings last weekend and bought back a lot of memories. SNL aired video clips from the earliest shows back in the crazy late 1970s. It reminded me that some of the best times in my life occurred just before the cops showed up.

• The Department of Homeland Security caught flak from House Democrats Tuesday who charged that illegal migrant criminals seized in the U.S. are under chains at Guantanamo Prison. A couple of months ago I saw a Middle East terrorist with 3 lions on his chest. I just love the San Diego Safari Park.

• The Albuquerque Journal reported that the bodies of Gene Hackman and his wife and his dog were all found dead in separate rooms in their home in Santa Fe. The investigation is underway. The cops are working hard to find out exactly what the dog knew about the Clintons and Jeffrey Epstein.

• President Trump met Ukraine's president Vladimir Zelensky at the White House Thursday ahead of Trump's peace talks with Russia. Vladimir Putin insists that the Russians invaded Ukraine in order to save the people of Ukraine. I know Ukraine's president's a comedian but he can't be THAT bad.

• President Trump met with Prime Minister Keir Starmer Thursday and they discussed a free trade deal. Included was an invitation from King Charles to honor Trump with a state dinner at Buckingham Palace. And in return, President Trump re-named the British Open the Golf of America.

• President Trump held a Governors Conference at the White House last week where he confronted the Governor of Maine over her determination to allow women's sporting competitions to include biological men. Woke ideology baffles an old Oklahoma boy like me. My personal pronouns are He/Haw.

• Governor Gavin Newsom answered the Democratic Party's call for a podcast to match the appeal that Joe Rogan's podcast has for conservatives and libertarians. The governor has decided to give the people what they want. It'll be a True Crime podcast in which Gavin reveals how he killed California.

• New York's disgraced former governor Andrew Cuomo re-surfaced after being run out of office for multiple groping allegations. His defense at the time was that he's not a sexual harasser or a serial groper, he's Italian. It's the funniest defense since O.J. told a Nevada judge, I'm a murderer not a burglar.

• NBC News reported Thursday that the Connecticut Psychiatric Security Review Board granted a conditional prison release to Tyree Smith, an inmate convicted of cannibalism and murder. All I know about the released inmate is he reportedly loves Papa John's Pizza. Not the pizza, the delivery guy.

• Bobby Kennedy took over as Secretary of HHS last week with a personal mission to take on Big Pharma. To rescue our nation's mental health, Bobby wants to get rid of antidepressants and weight loss pills. And to prove his point, did you see Elon waving that chainsaw onstage last weekend?

• The New York Times says an Australian couple had to sit next to a corpse during a 14-hour flight to Qatar after a woman next to them in the window seat died mid-flight. That's the bad news. On the bright side, at least they didn't have to get up every thirty minutes to allow her to go to the bathroom.

• Monica Lewinsky was on the Go Daddy podcast Wednesday and said Bill Clinton should have resigned his presidency once their Oval Office affair became public. She's still not thinking clearly. Monica hit her head on the bottom of the Resolute desk so many times she's as loopy as Terry Bradshaw.

• President Trump hosted his first cabinet meeting Wednesday, which was the first cabinet meeting in history to be televised in full. Elon Musk said his e-mail to federal workers needed to find out who's alive. Dead people, by and large, have a difficult time telling you five things they accomplished last week.

• President Trump floated his Gold Card fundraising proposal Tuesday. What's not to like? For $5 million you get to live and work in the U.S., for $10 million no one will check your wife's birth certificate, and for $15 million, Trump will see that your mother-in-law can never get into the country.

• President Trump wants to offer to sell wealthy foreigners a $5 million Visa Gold card that allows them to live and work in the U.S. and have a pathway to citizenship. The offer includes a sweetener the rich won't be able to resist. In addition, for every dollar you pay in taxes you get one free airline mile.

• GOP Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina this week proposed placing President Trump's portrait on a new denomination $250 bill. Yet federal law bans any living president from being on U.S. currency. Well, perhaps they can get the part of Trump's ear that was shot off on the fifty-cent piece.

• Democratic Party elder statesman urged Democrats in Washington, D.C., to stop bitterly opposing everything Trump does and sit back and wait for a mistake. It fell on deaf ears in D.C. If President Trump declared Friday to be National Breathing Day, House Democrats would all be dead by Saturday.

• Washington Post publisher and Amazon owner Jeff Bezos announced Wednesday that from now on the Post is only going to promote free markets and business. Today the Post ran obituaries of three investors. One guy had cancer at 70, a second had heart attack at 63 and the third guy had Tesla at 400.

• National Security Director Tulsi Gabbard fired 100 NSA employees for participating at work in a salacious, creepy sex chat in which they bragged about their kinky proclivities and dished the dirt on others. I'm just shocked. Who on earth would have thought that the NSA was full of Peeping Toms?

• CBS News warned Tuesday that Elon's federal layoffs will cause Americans to get eaten by bears as a result of no Park Rangers. Just throw your arm around a bear in the woods and pose together for a selfie. You get a great picture of you at one with nature and the bear gets a nice photo of his rib dinner.

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