Least Competent Criminals

• (1) Briton Jacqueline Patrick, 55, was sentenced to 15 years in prison in December for the 2013 murder of her husband, accomplished by spiking his wine with anti-freeze. To cover her crime, she handed over a note the husband had supposedly written, requesting that if tragedy struck him, he wished not to be resuscitated, preferring to die with "dignerty" (sic). Suspicious, police asked Patrick to spell "dignity," which, of course, came out "dignerty."

• (2) Kristina Green, 19, and Gary Withers, 38, both already on probation, were arrested in Encinitas, California, in December after an Amazon.com driver reported them following his delivery truck and scooping up packages as soon as he dropped them off. Inside the pair's car, officers found numerous parcels and mail addressed to others plus a "To Do" list that read, "steal mail and shoplift." [Reuters, 11-23-2015] [San Diego Union- Tribune, 12-15-2015]

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