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Jewish World Review March 19, 2004 /26 Adar, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | Tiger Woods said Tuesday he will undergo four days of U.S. Army training at Ft. Bragg a week after the Masters. It's really personal with him. He's only been engaged for a few months and already he's looking for the fastest way to get out of the country.

John Kerry dropped ten points this week after a GOP commercial onslaught. He reacted by flying to Idaho to relax at his wife's chalet. Fifty-five Democratic super-delegates had to be hospitalized Thursday with an acute case of buyer's remorse.

John Kerry was reported Wednesday to be worried that Bill Clinton might steal the spotlight if he stumps for the candidate this year. It's a quandary. Who knows how many voters would be offended if he releases The Passion on the campaign trail.

Colin Powell named Pakistan a major non-NATO ally on Thursday. The Muslim country is a hideout for terrorists and is headed by a dictator with nuclear weapons and scientists who proliferate them. The Bush Administration strategy is to use Saddam Hussein's sense of irony to kill him without ever touching him.

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