Jewish World Review March 17, 2003 / 13 Adar II, 5763

Jerry Della Femina

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Turn your cheek and get another fist in your jaw | What is it with the name Durst? First there's that millionaire Bobby Durst who they suspect murdered his wife 20 years ago. Most recently he killed his neighbor in Texas, cut him up into little pieces, and then led the police a merry chase all over the country as he cross-dressed pretending to be a woman who was a deaf mute.

Now there's that dope Fred Durst who got up at the Grammys a few weeks ago and made his plea for saving that dangerous pig Saddam. This Durst killed the English language by saying something like, "We are all in agreeance that we should have peace," etc. etc.

Of the two Dursts, I would rather spend time with crazy Bobby Durst. For one thing, I'm sure that, in drag, his clothing was in better taste than most of the outfits on the women at the Grammys.

As for Fred Durst, he's another in a long line of celebrity dopes who prove that there is no correlation between musical, acting, or sports talent and brains.

Unlike Dopey Durst, there are many good, well-meaning, intelligent people who are against going to war to remove Saddam Hussein. "The war is about oil," they say. Okay, I agree. It probably is about oil. But it's also about a madman who has missiles, anthrax, a hunger for nuclear weapons, and a long-term plan to destroy us.

I am not one who believes that those who want war are right and those who want peace are fools and wimps. We're all good, thoughtful Americans who disagree on this incredibly complex issue.

I come out on the side of going to war and getting Saddam out of Iraq in the next 30 days. Why? I believe if those of us who want to take him out are wrong we will sustain some losses (and even the loss of one person is a tragedy). But in short order the world will be minus one dictator.

If those who want peace with Saddam believe he can be contained are wrong, we're all dead. Now let's pause for some quotes.

1. "His proposals are sincere and well-considered."
2. "Here is a man who can be relied upon."
3. "He is friendly and reasonable."
4. "We need peace and desire peace."

Who said that Martin Sheen? Barbra Streisand? Jacques Chirac? Saddam?

No. The first quote was from The London Times in 1937, not unlike some columnists in The New York Times in 2003.

Quote 2 was from Neville Chamberlain in 1938. He was sort of the Jacques Chirac of the 1930s.

Quote 3 was from the British Ambassador to Germany three days before WW II. Sounds a little like Dr. Hans Blix, doesn't he?

And of course you know the last quote is from Adolph Hitler, 1935. Not Saddam talking to Dan Rather in 2003.

Saddam and Hitler. No comparison, you say? That's true. All Hitler could manage to do was land some Nazis from a tiny submarine onto a beach in Amagansett in 1942.

Saddam? He has enough anthrax, smallpox, and mustard gas to wipe all of us off the face of the earth. And he has the killers who will be more than happy to deliver his poisons to our doorstep.

There are well-meaning good people marching today who would have marched in 1938 against taking any action against Adolph Hitler. The argument would be, "Hitler may seem dangerous but he's done nothing to us yet and we must have peace in our time." These are people who will always believe we must only swing back at a dictator after he has hit us. About Saddam they say, "If he say's he has no biological weapons we must believe him or negotiate and spend years searching for the bioterror needle in the anthrax/mustard gas bioterror weapon haystack. And, yes, we must believe Saddam when he says he has no bioterror weapons even when he adds that though he doesn't have them, he won't hesitate to use them on our soldiers if they come close to his bunker in Baghdad."

We are, by and large, a peaceful people. Massive retaliation has been the policy of this country since 1946. Retaliation infers that if you hit us first we will hit you back as hard as we can. This has always been American way.

Well, I beg to differ. I say turning the cheek and avoiding war at all costs and letting any slimy son-of-a-b-tch hit us first WAS the American way up until 8:43 a.m. on September 11, 2000.

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JWR contributor Jerry Della Femina was recently named by Advertising Age as one of the 100 Most Influential Advertising People of the Century. He's perhaps the most sought-after advertising expert in the country, there is no network, no publication and no organization on which, in which, or before which Mr. Della Femina has not appeared. He is also the author of two books, From Those Wonderful Folks Who Gave You Pearl Harbor (a best-seller), and An Italian Grows in Brooklyn (a non-seller). Comment by clicking here.


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10/17/02: Bloomberg for Honorary Italian of the Year

© 2002, Jerry Della Femina