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• Psychology Today published a nationwide poll in which Americans were asked to rate the nation's most self-centered, narcissistic cities. To no one's surprise, L.A. rated the most narcissistic city in America. I know a homeless guy in West Hollywood who has only one tooth, and he just had it whitened.
• The Weather Channel reported blizzards across the Upper South Tuesday when the Polar Vortex swept east. CBS News reported a truck full of eggs crashed on the freeway near Joplin and spilled thousands of eggs on the road. The Pacific Palisades fire is now the second-most expensive disaster ever.
• USA Today reports WalMart shoppers are meeting on Twitter to complain about self-checkout registers. It's the supply chain slowdowns that really aggravate me. I just hate it whenever WalMart doesn't have what I want to buy, and I have to go home, take off my pajamas, shower and go to Target.
• DNC Chairman Ken Martin embarked on a five-city tour this week to speak to party workers and fire up the base for the 2022 midterms. The Atlantic just published a study showing that Republicans are having a lot more children today than Democrats. The tide turned when Elon Musk switched parties.
• The Women of the View blamed the Trump administration budget cuts for a near disaster at the Toronto Airport Monday. A Delta Airlines passenger jet flipped upside down upon landing on the runway, and air traffic controllers in the tower had only one thing to say. Damn those Australian pilots!
• Delta's successful upside-down landing in Toronto Monday resulted in everyone walking off the plane safely. You can't spook seasoned travelers. Every day, thousands of people fly through Will Rogers Airport in Oklahoma City and it's the only airport named after somebody killed in a plane wreck.
• German officials told CBS 60 Minutes it's now against German law to make fun of government officials. Police in Berlin were rushed to the scene on Tuesday when a mad man fired 17 political jokes into a shopping mall crowd in Germany. He's been sentenced to 6-9 months of prison shower sex jokes.
• Barack Obama embarks on a paid speaking engagement tour this spring that begins at Hamilton College in Upstate New York. I think it sadly points to our nation's lingering racism that he still has to speak behind bulletproof glass. Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anybody.
• President Trump and Elon Musk laid out their plans during an hour-long interview with Sean Hannity of Fox News Tuesday night. During the interview, Musk revealed that his goal is to send people to Mars. If nothing else, I think we can all agree Elon is the most creative serial killer of all time.
• The New York Post reported video of a Tesla self-driving Cybertruck suddenly veering into an oncoming traffic lane during a practice run. The Tesla optics get even worse. Police in Beverly Hills report that raccoons are crawling into parked Tesla Cybertrucks at night, thinking they are dumpsters.
• President Trump was reported to be planning to meet with Russia's Vladimir Putin this month to try to end the Ukraine War. The hounds will still be at his heels. Trump could end the war and win the Nobel Peace Prize and House Democrats would say he's out to destroy the U.S. defense industry.
• The White House asked Ukraine to partner with the U.S. in its rare minerals business to pay the U.S. back the $500 billion in military aid. One of those rare minerals is titanium, necessary to keep U.S. missiles hard while they're in the air. If that doesn't work, Playboy is back on the newsstands this month.
• Coach Bill Belichick, 73, was pictured last week with his 23-year-old girlfriend Jordan Hudson wearing an engagement ring. This is off-season gold for comedians. No one wants to say Bill is too old to be dating a 23-year-old girl, but the first time Bill defeated the Lions, he was a gladiator in Rome.
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