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• Las Vegas bookies predicted Friday that Americans will wager $3 billion on the NCAA Men's and Women's basketball tournament at casino sports books and online betting sites. Electronic gambling has reached places no one expected. The Amish Powerball Lottery jackpot is now up to four dozen eggs.
• Southern California was battered by heavy rainstorms all week that resulted in mudslides in the hills just recently ravaged by wildfires. I told Siri that surely it's not going to keep raining, and she replied yes it is, and don't call me Shirley. It was then I realized I'd left my phone on Airplane mode.
• President Trump hosted Prime Minister Modi of India at the White House Thursday where they discussed trade technology and space exploration. This past December India became the first nation to successfully land a space capsule on the frozen south pole of the moon. The 7-Eleven opens in August.
• The White House reports that President Trump has signed forty-nine executive orders during his whirlwind first 3 weeks as president. The president just added a slight change to his deportation policy. This morning Donald Trump issued an executive order declaring that Shakira and J. Lo can stay.
• President Trump signed an order reversing the Biden order to eliminate plastic straws by 2027 and legalized plastic straws nationwide. It prompted a howl from environmentalists who say it's just more junk that ends up on the ocean floor. Sea turtles are just happy they can get back to doing cocaine.
• Kanye West's website was taken down after he aired a Super Bowl ad which led people to his site that sold t-shirts bearing the swastika. It's all about personal growth. Only five years ago, Kanye West was just another rap star, but today, he's going down in history as the Jackie Robinson of the Nazi Party.
• Bobby Kennedy was confirmed and sworn in as HHS Secretary Thursday. He's admitted a worm is eating his brain, stashed a dead cub bear in Central Park and eats road kill he stores in his freezer. I think we should keep telling Bobby I know what you did, and see what other insane things he'll admit to.
• National Director of Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard was sworn into office Thursday. She's a vocal opponent of the policy influence of the U.S. defense establishment, a view which is totally in line with the president's. President Trump has never started a war, unless you count the Women of the View.
• President Trump praised the rate ICE is rounding up illegal migrant criminals and repatriating them. Many were sentenced by judges in their countries to be deported to the U.S. It's important to send them home because if they turn us into another Australia, we could end up with a really weak beer.
• President Trump on Thursday offered to go to Moscow and meet with Vladimir Putin to end the War in Ukraine. I myself met Putin at a White House reception for him back in 2001 and I have to admit he has a great sense of humor. At one point, I made him laugh so hard he promised to kill me last.
• The White House swapped for Pennsylvania teacher Marc Fogel from a Russian jail in exchange for a U.S.-held Russian crypto con artist. We always get the short end at theses exchanges. Seven years ago we traded seven Taliban fighters for one Bowe Bergdahl, and he wasn't even in mint condition.
• The Daily Mail published an account of a young man who died for six minutes before hospital medics revived him, and the patient described his white light experience. Only one thing we know for sure. For three days after death, the hair and fingernails continue to grow, but the phone calls taper off.
• The National Retail Federation reports Americans will spend $28 billion on Valentine's Day this year on dinners, flowers, candy, gifts and jewelry. Last year my ex-girlfriend did NOT appreciate it when I gave her an inscribed bracelet my grandmother used to wear. The inscription reads Do Not Resuscitate.
• The NFL announced Monday that an all-time record 126 million Americans watched the Super Bowl. The next day Cleveland Browns wide receiver Kadarius Toney was arrested for attempting to strangle a woman during a domestic dispute. The arrest marks the official start of the NFL off-season.
• Wall Street suffered a sharp jolt Wednesday when the Consumer Price Index reported a 3% hike in inflation in retail goods. This inflation is producing a simmering class rage that's hidden barely beneath the surface. They keep raising the price of eggs to keep you from throwing them at Cybertrucks.
• The Hollywood Reporter announced the 2025 Academy Awards ceremony will air live from the Dolby Theater in Hollywood on ABC. It's so politically one-sided. Every time the slavery-uprising movie wins the Best Picture Oscar, the producer never thanks the Confederacy for making it all possible.
• The New York Times reports the remaining Hamas fighters in Gaza can still order in Kentucky Fried Chicken from a KFC located across the border in Egypt. The KFC delivery guy enters through a tunnel. After dinner they like to play kick the bucket to prepare themselves for the inevitable.
• The Department of Education urged organizations overseeing high school and college athletics to strip medals from trans-genders who competed in women's sports. It's especially unfair in women's swimming. Transgender women have a rudder that keeps them from veering outside their swim lanes.
• White House DOGE Director Elon Musk addressed reporters Wednesday and said that a cursory review of Social Security beneficiaries reveal the U.S. is making monthly payments to a 150-year-old man. Every reporter had the same question. The question is, why does Keith Richards even need that money?
• House Democrats said that DOGE's power by presidential order to eliminate wasteful spending is unconstitutional. It's tough getting around the Founders. The Supreme Court is there to make sure a president can't harm the country and Congress is there to make sure a president can't help the country.
• President Trump told a GOP banquet that pollster John McLaughlin told him that he could beat Abe Lincoln and George Washington on the same ticket in an election. It's not that big a stretch in today's world. Trump dodges bullets better than Lincoln and he has much better teeth than Washington.
• NBC news reports that a federal judge ruled to restore President Trump's right to offer a buyout package to federal workers who agree to quit. There are 2.3 million federal workers. Last year the U.S. Postal Service lost $10 billion, making it by far the most profitable branch of the U.S. government.
• Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth spoke in Europe about possible conditions for a Russia-Ukraine peace deal Tuesday. He conceded that Ukraine's location just beneath Russia prevents it from being allowed to join NATO. This ends any chances of Mexico achieving security by joining the Warsaw Pact.
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