Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The American Gaming Association reports that $1.39 billion was bet on the Super Bowl in sports books and on online gaming websites. All this electronic betting is getting to places no one expected. Even the Amish have their own lottery now and the Mega Jackpot this week is a dozen eggs and a comb.

• The Hollywood Reporter says the Super Bowl drew 126 million viewers to watch the Philadelphia Eagles destroy the KC Chiefs dynasty. This week the Chiefs announced their first line-up change to make them meaner, tougher and angrier. They replaced Taylor Swift with Cardi B in the owner's box.

• Springfield, Illinois, held a citywide Lincoln's Birthday party Wednesday. My girlfriend in the 8th grade was nicknamed Abe Lincoln, because all the guys took a shot at her in the balcony. Last year I told that joke to a Lincoln Day Dinner in Orange County and it died so badly Ukraine sent ME money.

• Elon Musk stood in the Oval Office Tuesday and expressed his astonishment at all the graft and corruption his DOGE engineers have found in USAID payouts to organizations overseas. The biggest Super Bowl in history may be going on right now in Washington, D.C. It's the Patriots versus the Stealers.

• House Democrats protested DOGE investigators, saying unelected accountants being allowed to audit unelected federal bureaucracies is a threat to our democracy. I totally understand their panic. It's the same way I felt when my girlfriend locked herself inside the bathroom and opened up my phone.

• The New York Times reported Tuesday that cardiologists have begun taking the weight loss drug Ozempic to shed weight along with their patients. However it was reported the same day that taking Ozempic could result in blindness. Oh well, at least they won't weigh as much when they bump into you.

• President Trump met in the Oval Office Tuesday with Jordan's King Abdullah II about ways to house Palestinian refugees from Gaza. Trump addressed reporters about Gaza and laid out his idea for a future beautiful resort with hotel casinos in the desert. This may not end well, did he not see Bugsy?

• President Trump and Elon Musk spoke to reporters in the Oval Office Tuesday along with Elon's three-year-old son. The kid crawled all over Elon as he fielded questions. If you want a guy to cut wasteful spending you might want the richest man in the world who's too cheap to hire a babysitter.

• President Trump was scheduled to receive American prisoner Mark Fogel from Russia who was sent to jail for possession of medical marijuana. WNBA star Britney Greiner was also jailed in Russia for weed possession. The Russian drug laws are the envy of the American Liquor Lobby in Washington.

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