Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Elon Musk’s DOGE was blocked by a judge from uncovering Treasury Department information after DOGE engineers exposed their payouts. So Elon has my info, China has my info, Zuckerberg has my info and Amazon has my info. Nowadays, the only one who doesn’t know all my passwords is me.

• The Philadelphia Eagles landed at the Philly airport to thousands of cheering fans Monday. They stood on the tarmac and cheered the Super Bowl winners as the Eagles players walked off the plane. It was the first time all year Philadelphia sports fans weren’t at the airport to boo the safe landings.

• Variety said TV viewers were startled by Tom Cruise’s altered-looking face in a Super Bowl ad. Plastic surgeons told the London Sun they could explain the work he had done, however I can explain why. In Tom’s next movie he changes his face and identity to try to escape from the Church of Scientology alive.

• Los Angeles Lakers fans went wild welcoming just-acquired superstar Luka Doncic to the Crypto Arena in L.A. Monday. Last week’s NBA trade deadline resulted in blockbuster trades all around the league. Last Friday more NBA players were being swapped than at a Kardashian bachelorette party.

• The Arizona Republic reports a Lear Jet landing at Scottsdale Airport skidded off the runway and smashed into a parked jet Monday. That’s two aircraft collisions in the U.S. in 3 weeks. State Farm e-mailed me and threatened to cancel my col

• lision insurance if I switch my phone to airplane mode. President Trump touted Canada statehood Monday, citing the unacceptability of the U.S.-Canada trade deficit. Dealing with the Quebecois would always be aggravating. I know a Canadian guy who tattooed a map of Canada on his butt so that every time he sits down, Quebec separates from the country.

• Congresswoman Maxine Waters of L.A. led a raucous protest against Elon Musk Monday over his DOGE program cutting government spending. If reporters ask Elon what makes him qualified to know what projects to eliminate in federal spending, Elon can only give them one reply. It’s not rocket science.

• Elon’s star DOGE engineer is a 19-year-old kid who busted the crazy-looking USAIDS payouts. In reality the CIA is using USAID to deploy gay propaganda to destabilize hostile regimes in the Middle East. Iran could fall if they hear enough times that Mohammed came down from Brokeback Mountain.

• Democrat advisor and wise owl James Carville ripped what he called the so-called Progressives in the Democratic Party, saying they’ve never picked the right side of any issue as far as the voters are concerned. I try to be fair about this. Jokes about socialism aren’t funny unless everybody gets them.

• Illinois former Governor Rod Blagojevich was pardoned by President Trump on Monday. He went to prison for trying to sell Obama’s vacating Senate seat in 2008. Illinois is the only state in America where the governor rides in a limo with license plates that were made by the previous governor.

• President Trump gave Hamas a Saturday deadline to release their hostages Monday. The same day a Hamas bomb maker was killed when his suicide bomb blew up while he was at home making the bomb. Even terrorists prefer to work at home rather than come to work in the workplace these days.

• President Trump said he envisions Gaza becoming the Riviera of the Eastern Mediterranean once it’s cleaned up. He mentioned the future golf courses. And don’t be afraid to blast away if you hit your ball into one of the bunkers left behind, it’s been called the explosion shot for a hundred years.

• ABC News reported Friday that high school test scores have rebounded to their pre-Covid levels and cited several examples of teenage prodigies in the classroom. They reported a 17-year-old girl in Chicago just earned her college doctorate in engineering. When I was 17-years-old I earned a fake ID

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