Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Hollywood Reporter reported that former President Biden arrived in Beverly Hills to acquire a show business agent. Biden signed to be represented by agents with the Creative Artists Agency, the top talent agency in Hollywood. In his first role Joe's going to play a corpse in a crime scene.

• President Trump stunned reporters Tuesday announcing another U.S. real estate domain. Trump's been our president for 15 days and we already have three new states—Canada, Greenland and now Gaza. We need the illegal migrants in the U.S. if only to keep sewing the new stars on the flag every week.

• President Trump announced Tuesday that the U.S. will own and rebuild the Gaza Strip, calling it the Riviera of the Middle East. I know this won't stop the violence and the torture. I performed at the Riviera in Las Vegas and I saw what they do to guys they catch counting cards at the blackjack table.

• Democrats rallied outside the Capitol protesting Elon Musk's advising cuts in wasteful USAID payouts, including a $1.5 million DEI program for Serbia. It'd promote diversity in a nation that's totally white, Slavic and Orthodox Christian. My college fraternity was more diverse during segregation.

• President Trump marked National Women in Sports Day by signing an executive order banning biological men from women's sports. It's a constitutional issue with me. I'm in favor of allowing biological men to swim, box, or run track against women, as long as I am allowed to bet on the outcome.

• Homeland Security began flying arrested Venezuelan gang members to Guantanamo Naval Base prison in Cuba. It also happened to be the migrant labor holiday called A Day without Immigrants where migrants refuse to do their jobs. It's the one day a year President Trump sleeps alone.

• The U.S. Senate voted Tuesday to confirm Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi to be Attorney General. She's a knockout blonde as well. I'm not saying that America's new Attorney General will be Trump's favorite action hero but she's already introducing herself to everybody as Bondi, Pam Bondi.

• Robert Kennedy was accused by three women of having simultaneous affairs with them during 2024 alone. Being a lifelong rascal requires careful planning ahead for self-preservation. I wear a medical alert bracelet that reads: In Case of Emergency - Erase My Hard Drive and Destroy My Phone.

• Jesse Eisenberg who played Mark Zuckerberg in the movie The Social Network no longer wants to be associated with Zuckerberg after he dropped fact-checking. Tuesday marked Facebook's 21st anniversary. Facebook has re-united families, sparked romances and taken the legwork out of stalking.

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