Least Competent Criminal | Model Parent

• Burglary suspect and career criminal Shane Paul Owen, 46, of South Salt Lake, Utah, was on the run from police on Oct. 24 when he dashed into a vacant church. A Salt Lake City SWAT team held a standoff at the church for more than six hours -- until Owen called 911 to say that he was locked in the church's boiler room and couldn't get out. "Can you hurry?" he asked the dispatcher. "I need to talk to them first so they don't ... shoot me," Owen pleaded. The Deseret News reported he was booked on outstanding warrants for retaliation against a witness, drug distribution and identity fraud. [Deseret News, 10/24/2017]

• Amber L. Schmunk, 28, of Fredonia, Wisconsin, put all her resources to work in concocting a way to get a plastic kiddie pool from one house to another on Sept. 9. Her solution: She had her 9-year-old son climb on top of her minivan and hold down the pool as she drove through Saukville. She must have had second thoughts, though, because according to the Ozaukee Press, she told police the boy was up there for only 20 to 30 seconds before she pulled over and wedged the pool into the back of the minivan. Schmunk said she thought it would be OK for her son to ride atop the car because her father had allowed her to do similar things when she was a child. But officers disagreed, charging her with second-degree recklessly endangering safety. [Ozaukee Press, 10/18/2017]