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• President Biden faced the TV cameras in the Oval Office Wednesday and delivered his Farewell Address to the Nation and he spoke in dark and ominous tones. It didn't exactly make viewers want to stand up and cheer. A Farewell Address by Joe Biden is like an encore at a Yoko Ono concert.
• Joe Biden flew to Charleston, South Carolina, Sunday but wasn't clear if he'd be making any appearances. His trip facilitates the expected flood of pardons before the clock runs out. It was best to get Joe Biden out of town while Jill Biden prepares for her final day as President of the United States.
• The Pentagon received a visit and a goodbye speech from President Biden Thursday. In one final gift to stand-up comedians, Joe announced the next Navy aircraft carrier will be named after Bill Clinton. You would think something that big and full of seamen would be christened the USS Lewinsky.
• Cosmopolitan cited a poll on online dating which found 22 million Americans engage in online dating and that 2 out of 5 newly married couples met on the dating sites. However you can't use eHarmony if you want to meet the Southern California girl or guy of your dreams. We're all on Tinder.
• The White House announced a peace deal reached between Israel and Hamas 15 months after the October 7th attack. Ultimately a terrorist is in a no win situation they can't see. The rudest thing a Hamas suicide bomber learns once he arrives in Paradise is that with 72 virgins come 72 mother-in-laws.
• Governor Gavin Newsom faces new accusations of responsibility for the L.A. fires. The governor refused to clear brush in the hills to protect its pristine nature. Any day I expect state lawmakers to introduce a bill which outlaws anyone from lighting a match in California unless it's for doing drugs.
• Governor Gavin Newsom was targeted by a recall petition Thursday from people furious over his wildfire prevention policies. His heroism is just now coming to light. When the fires were raging, Gavin rushed into a burning house and reminded the residents that Trump is a threat to our democracy.
• Elon Musk tried to bring Starlink to the L.A. fire area accompanied by a fleet of Cybertrucks last week but was blocked by Governor Newsom. These vehicles are technical marvels. I just saw a guy chasing his Cybertruck down Melrose because he missed a payment and it's driving itself back to Tesla.
• Donald Trump backed efforts for U.S. investors to buy Tik Tok rather than ban the platform for national security reasons. The U.S. may soon ban Tik Tok. China uses Tik Tok to spy on Americans and learn all our personal secrets to someday use them against us. Everybody knows that's the CIA's job.
• Defense Secretary nominee Pete Hegseth had an irate Senate confirmation hearing Tuesday. For four hours he had to listen to three Democratic women screaming at him, four women if you count Tim Kaine. At the end of the day, Pete volunteered to return to Iraq and Syria for some relative peace and quiet.
• Australian shipbuilding magnate Clive Palmer announced his Titanic II replica of the ill-fated liner Titanic will be built by 2027 and sail from England to New York. It's all a reminder to me that life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the kitchen sink.
• Mel Gibson told Joe Rogan he's planning to direct a new movie, The Passion of the Christ II-the Resurrection, in 2026. He's made a lot of progress since the last one. A few years ago Pope Benedict exonerated Jews for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ just to get Mel Gibson to stop pretending he's Jesus.
• Cosmopolitan cited a poll on online dating which found 22 million Americans engage in online dating and that 2 out of 5 newly married couples met on the dating sites. However you can't use eHarmony if you want to meet the Southern California girl or guy of your dreams. We're all on Tinder.
•ABC News reports that Disney, Paramount, WalMart and Kroger are making huge donations to help Los Angeles in the city's fire recovery efforts. Anheuser-Busch did their part during the wildfires by sending 50,000 cans of water to the L.A. fire crews. Each can of water was clearly marked Coors Light.
• Jay Leno offered to pitch in to help feed firefighters in the buffet line at the Rose Bowl staging base. He's recently broken his ribs in a motorcycle wreck, burned his face while working on a car engine, and fallen down a steep hill. When firefighters saw Jay they immediately offered to feed him.
• L.A. Mayor Karen Bass was ripped for being out of the country on a junket to Ghana during L.A. fire warnings, attending a party in Ghana's capital and posing pictures that were posted on social media. She explained her dereliction of duty to the media's satisfaction. She said, it's okay, I'm a lesbian.
• Senator Marco Rubio's confirmation hearing for Secretary of State was interrupted Wednesday by news of the Hamas-Israeli peace deal. There are many sides. To Americans, the real sticking point of the Hamas-Israeli peace deal is whether it'll allow the reunification of Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs.
• Attorney General nominee Pam Bondi was accused of preparing to prosecute Trump's political enemies by Senate Democrats in her confirmation hearing. It's brutal for Trump nominees. Senate Democrats threaten to block Pete Hegseth as Defense Secretary after learning he has never worn a dress.
• The Senate questioned Defense Secretary nominee Pete Hegseth on his adultery and his drinking Tuesday. Senators get free booze from the Liquor Lobby and have a taxpayer funded slush fund to settle their sex misconduct cases. I couldn't tell if the senators were questioning him or recruiting him.
• Hamas finally agreed a hostage-for-prisoner release deal with Israel under pressure by Biden and threat by Trump. The animosity between the two sides will make a permanent peace deal very difficult. Republicans say the Devil is in the details and the Democrats say he's in Mar-a-Lago.
• President Biden faced the cameras and delivered his Farewell Address to the Nation. He's busy making plans for his life after he leaves office. Off-camera, Joe told his staff he's looking forward to retiring to that great big farm in the country where Jill sent the family dogs.
• President Biden spelled out his legacy during his Farewell Speech to the Nation. The University of Delaware just announced construction of a new Social Science studies building to be named Joe Biden Hall. It's 4 stories tall and in Joe's honor, the elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
• Special Counsel David Weiss released his report on his investigation into Hunter Biden in which he prosecuted Hunter for lying on his federal gun application about his drug use. The Hunter Biden laptop made it clear that Hunter Biden liked mixed drinks. He liked to mix rum with crack.
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