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• Jimmy Carter's funeral was attended by five presidents at the National Cathedral in Washington Thursday. It's an Episcopal service. In an Episcopal funeral, the eulogy is followed by the benediction, which is followed by a champagne reception, which is followed by a golf tournament with prizes.
• President Biden was tasked with delivering the eulogy at Jimmy Carter's presidential funeral on Thursday. The congregation sat on pins and needles during Joe's eulogy. Afterwards everyone left the service just happy that Biden didn't point to the casket and call on Jimmy to stand up and take a bow.
• The National Cathedral on Thursday had the Bushes, the Clintons, Barack Obama and Donald Trump all seated together for Carter's funeral. Pictured seated on the same row were Bill, George, Barack and Donald. Democrats described the four as See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil and Evil.
• Donald Trump hosted GOP governor Thursday where he repeated his desire to make Canada our 51st state. Of course Trump ruled out any military action, which would never survive U.S. public opposition to an invasion of Canada. I can just see the antiwar protest signs saying No Blood for Syrup.
• Donald Trump on Thursday again stated his determination to halt illegal immigration at our nation's Southern Border with Tom Homan as Border Czar. He's getting help. Right now, the biggest deterrent to illegal immigration is California Governor Gavin Newsom's fire prevention policy.
• President Biden arrived in L.A. Tuesday and addressed the TV cameras just as the brushfires were raging. Joe fecklessly announced to L.A. residents he just became a great-grandfather. It's the worst opener since I addressed a J ehovah's Witnesses convention and opened with a knock-knock joke.
• L.A. Mayor Karen Bass was ripped for cutting $17 million out of the fire department budget last year. She was in Ghana attending an inauguration of a president she never met. If the Mayor's goal was to visit a foreign country where nobody speaks English all she had to do was walk outside City Hall.
• Newsweek reports the CEO of State Farm Insurance in July canceled the home fire insurance policies of hundreds of L.A. homes that burned down. And you wonder why insurance CEOs get shot in the back. Luigi Mangione's chances for acquittal never looked better once his case is given to the jury.
• Los Angeles firefighters began turning back the fires with help from firefighters from as far away as Canada on Thursday. The offers of help from other major cities made us all proud to be Americans. Chicago was first to offer to send a planeload of looters to L.A. to assist in the local efforts.
• Fox News anchor Trace Gallagher called the Pacific Palisades-Eaton fires the worst natural disaster in L.A. history. If I know L.A., the wildfires were just a prelude to bigger and better things to come. Preparations are now being made for the 2028 Olympic Games in Los Angeles, mostly by ISIS.
• The Pacific Palisades fire left a cloud of ash over L.A. Thursday which caused me to sneeze and cough during my jog. I later went to the supermarket and I understand why some people are wearing masks, as recommended by the CDC. But with the Lord as my witness I am NOT getting the wildfire vaccine.
• Donald Trump vowed to enact mass deportations beginning on day one of his administration. It hits home. I live in the constant fear that Trump is going to deport my Latina girlfriend's mother, who lives at 315 W. 3rd Street Los Angeles 90023, blue house on the corner, gets home from work at six.
• New York Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers told reporters after the last game, he'd love to stay with the Jest if they want him, but if they don't he'll be glad to look elsewhere. I think it's obvious. After all that Ivermectin he took during the pandemic, look for him to wind up with the Colts or Broncos.
• Cincinnati Bengals QB Joe Burrow is red-faced after his home was hit by burglars while he was playing on TV last week. A hot-looking model who is NOT Joe's current fiancĂ©e was there and she called for help. It's a life lesson for Joe to learn that the sport of adultery is bigger than any one athlete.
• President Biden told USA Today he advised Trump not to try to prosecute political adversaries to settle old scores. Keeping with tradition, Joe will leave behind a letter for Donald Trump in the Oval Office Resolute Desk. And in Hunter's bedroom Barron Trump will find a gram left behind in the vanity.
• Miss Alabama Abbie Stockard, an Auburn student and cheerleader, won the title of Miss America Sunday in the beauty pageant in Orlando. Beauty can be deceptive. As you can tell by watching the news year after year, living in Los Angeles is like being married to a beautiful woman who's always sick.
• The Orthodox Church celebrated Christmas Tuesday using the Julian Calendar. The calendar dictates our cultural rhythms. Every year, Santa Claus brings gifts to the people of Los Angeles in December, and then we have to store those gifts in a fireproof safe before Santa Ana arrives in January.
• Malibu was destroyed by a catastrophic brush fire that spread inland to the Pacific Palisades on Tuesday. It also affected the coyotes, snakes and other hillside predators. That morning a William Morris agent woke up and saw the flames outside his bedroom window and simply assumed he had died.
• Governor Gavin Newsom was slammed during the fires for keeping Northern California water from L.A. by his decision to protect a tiny fish called the smelt. Ay his press briefing, Gavin said it will take retardant to fight the wildfire. Then there was silence as people waited for him to grab a bucket.
• NBC News says gays are buying guns thinking Trump will try to throw them into concentration camps. That's silly. Any guy who hired the Village People and dances to the YMCA song is not going to incarcerate gay people, that'd be like Joe Biden launching an air strike on an ice cream parlor.
• The Daily Mail reports prostitutes in Berlin face competition from newly developed AI sex dolls that exhibit human emotions. I'm caught between technologies. Last week I went out on a date for the first time in ages and the good night kiss at the door was spoiled when I forgot you don't blow her up.
• Sports Illustrated listed the top-selling video games of 2024 as EA Sports College Football, Call of Duty, Hell Divers, Dragon Ball, Madden NFL 25 and Dragon's Dogma. When Baby Boomers were children in the late 1950's, we didn't have video games. We went outside and beat each other with sticks.
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