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Jewish World Review Jan. 16, 2003 / 22 Teves, 5764

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Burger King unveiled a bunless Whopper Wednesday as a nod to the Atkins Diet sweeping the nation. It's good news for the cattle industry. Californians aren't scared by Mad Cow because if they get a brain-wasting illness, who's going to notice?


The U.S. government ordered Los Angeles to spend $80 million on new buses. Bus overcrowding was ruled a civil rights violation. Californians are so fed up with illegal aliens that President Bush couldn't carry this state if he legalized cocaine.


Bill Clinton arranged a deal with five medical testing companies Wednesday to lower the costs of AIDS tests in poor nations. What a humanitarian. He wants to assure people who are frightened that if he can pass this test, anybody can pass it.


Carol Moseley Braun withdraw from the presidential race Thursday. In Sunday's Iowa debate she chastised Al Sharpton for being divisive. Carol Moseley Braun was becoming the voice of reason and unity in the Democratic Party, so she had to go.


Democratic candidates face off Monday in the Iowa Caucus. It's a race between consultants trying to produce bigger and better idiot-proof strategies and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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