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Jewish World Review Oct. 3, 2000 / 4 Tishrei, 5760

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter
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Consumer Reports

So who's the 'dumb guy' now? -- GEORGE W. BUSH surged in the polls this week in response to reports that Alec Baldwin and Elton John would leave the country if Bush is elected president. (Can you imagine the Sturm und Drang if Rush Limbaugh or Charleton Heston had made a similarly hate-filled remark about the election of a Democrat?)

On the basis of the weekly tabulation of late-night jokes compiled by The New York Times, the networks are doing their part to keep Alec in "high concept" films right here in the U.S.A. It's a good week for Bush when he has only one more joke told about him than Al Gore does -- as happened once back in early September. That required a decrease of 37 percent in Bush jokes from the previous week, and an increase of 229 percent in Gore jokes.

A surprisingly interesting article in the Sept. 24 New York Times Magazine looked at the politics of late-night humor and how it is that Gore came to be the Stiff Guy, and Bush the Dumb Guy. It turns out that a frighteningly large portion of Americans get their news from late-night comics and, as the article noted, being "called dumb is more devastating than being called stiff."

Stupidity, the article observed, "judges the man's political worth unambiguously. There is no way to interpret it charitably." Or as David Letterman said, Bush "pronounces the word 'subliminable' -- not 'subliminal,' 'subliminable.' And it makes me wonder, gosh do you think this guy is 'electimable'?"

Meanwhile, late-night comedy writers -- called "highly paid Marxists" by "Politically Incorrect" producer Jerry Nachman -- earnestly insist that they are utterly nonpartisan. Pay no attention to the fact that they all happen to be liberal Democrats who are voting for Gore. Also, funnily enough, the Republican is always the Dumb Guy.

The "dumb" tag on Bush, the writers say, is based on reality. It just wouldn't work -- no one would get the joke -- if they tried to make dumb jokes about an intellectual colossus like Al Gore. Actually, in the words of a Washington Post article on Gore's scholastic achievements, his academic record might "go some way toward subverting that notion."

In high school, Gore received all C's in French and mostly C's and B's in English and history. Indeed, his lone A in all those subjects came in a senior year history class. Only in art classes did Gore earn straight A's. And he took a lot of them.

Gore got into Harvard on the basis of his high board scores -- and the fact that his father was a prominent U.S. senator. (When George W. Bush got into Yale, his father was a comparative unknown -- a mere congressman, on the verge of losing his first race for Senate. He was a Yale alumnus, but so were a lot of other boys' parents.)

Gore continued his mediocre performance at Harvard, ranking in the bottom fifth of the class for his first two years. In his sophomore year, the Post reports: "Gore's grades were lower than any semester recorded on Bush's transcript from Yale."

Gore could not complete either divinity school or law school at Vanderbilt, failing five of the eight classes he took in his three semesters at divinity school. Exactly how many classes do you have to fail to be called dumb, if you're a Democrat?

Meanwhile, the Dumb Guy was earning his MBA from Harvard.

Gore recently told an audience that his mother-in-law takes the same arthritis medicine as his dog Shilo, but she pays three times more than the dog for the very same medicine. Then it turned out he had made the story up and his figures were wrong.

In response to questions about whether his mother-in-law took any arthritis medicine (and whether the dog's name is really "Shilo"), Gore refused to answer on the grounds that it was a "private" matter. Wait -- but he's the one who used it in a pandering political speech.

Then Gore told a union gathering that his mother used to sing lullabies to him as an infant, including, "Look for the Union Label" -- a song that was written in 1975, when Gore was 27. At first I thought -- yeah, OK, but that was a joke; he wasn't seriously claiming that his mother was singing union songs to him in his crib.

But it wasn't a joke. Rather, Gore put out the word that he had simply misidentified the lullaby his mother used to sing him. It was actually an older song -- "Don't Forget the Union Label." He really is an idiot.

At least Bill Clinton was grounded enough to know when he was caught and had to squirm out of a lie. Gore is from another dimension. But the audience probably wouldn't get that.

JWR contributor Ann Coulter is the author of High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton. You may visit the Ann Coulter Fan Club by clicking here.


09/29/00: Don't do drug legalization
09/26/00: I'd burn down my neighbor's house
09/22/00: Democrats worship the money shot
09/19/00: Other film footage we'd like to see
09/15/00: Bush can name the **^%*
09/12/00: The Supreme Court ratchet
09/08/00: Our mistake -- keep polluting
09/05/00: Bubba protects and serves
09/01/00: AlGore's 'going out of business!' tax plan
08/29/00: Bush's compassionate conservatism
08/25/00: Space alien tells funny jokes in bathtub
08/22/00: Dems view world only in black and white, not in color
08/18/00: Another Damascus Road conversion
08/15/00: The viagra cotillion
08/11/00: The hand-wringing Hamlet from Hartford
08/07/00: The Democratic party's white face
08/04/00: Hillary's potty mouth
08/01/00: The hole in the story
07/28/00: Cheney's detractors can't get their story straight
07/25/00: AlGore: Elmer Blandry
07/21/00: The tyranny of non-objectivity
07/18/00: The state's religion
07/14/00: Reform it back
07/11/00: Keating for veep
07/07/00: Gore invented 'Clueless'
07/04/00: The stupidity litmus test
06/30/00: O.J. was 'proved innocent' too
06/27/00: The last guys 'proved innocent'
06/23/00: Serious Republican candidates don't get serious press
06/19/00: They weren't overzealous this time
06/16/00: Evolution of the strumpet
06/13/00: Actual journalistic malpractice
06/09/00: I did not have sexual
relations with that ... man!
06/06/00: IRS turns Bubba's screw
05/30/00: Too corrupt to be an Arkansas lawyer
05/26/00: Choose liberalism
05/24/00: Violence against coherence
05/22/00: Developmentally disabled Republicans
05/16/00: For womb the bell tolls
05/12/00: Asylum from Georgetown
05/10/00: The truth is out there, even for the clueless
05/08/00: Barbie is a liberal Democrat
05/02/00: Moving the goalpost
04/28/00: The bastardization of justice
04/25/00: How Monica Lewinsky saved the constitution
04/24/00: It's sunny today, so we need gun control
04/19/00: No shadow of a doubt -- liberal women are worthless
04/14/00: It takes a Communist dictator to raise a child
04/11/00: The verdict is in on Hillary
04/07/00: Vast Concoctions III
04/04/00: 'Horrifying' free speech in New York
03/31/00: Check-Off Box For Pimp Suits
03/28/00: All the news that fits -- we print!
03/24/00: Net losses all around
03/20/00: To protect, serve --- and be spat on
03/16/00: Thank Heaven for the consigliere
03/13/00: Vast concoctions II
03/09/00: The bluebloods voted against you
03/07/00: The Tower of Babble
03/03/00: Vast concoction
03/02/00: Hillary's sartorial lies
02/28/00: You have to break a few eggs to make a joke
02/22/00: I've seen enough killing to support abortion
02/18/00: A liberal lynching
02/15/00: McCain and the flag
02/11/00: The Shakedown Express
02/08/00: To mock a mockingbird
02/05/00: Summing up Campaign 2000: 'Oh, puh-leeze!'
02/01/00: A Confederacy of Dunces
01/28/00: Dollar Bill's racist smear
01/24/00: How high is your freedom quotient?
01/21/00: Numismadness
01/18/00: How dare you attack my wife!
01/14/00: The Gore Buggernaut
01/10/00: The paradox of discrimination law

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