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Jewish World Review Nov. 2, 2004 / 18 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

Julia Gorin

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Consumer Reports

Vote or die | Because if you don't vote, the Democrats may just kill you. Today, bribed, intimidated, duped, seduced and coerced voters will go, or be bused, to the polls. On the way, they'll be handed literature reminding them how they'll be voting. After all, if Fidel Castro, Joseph Stalin and Saddam Hussein could get 100% of the vote, why shouldn't a Democrat? If tomorrow we learn that every last person in the country did vote for John Kerry, Democrats won't find it disturbing. It'll just mean that Americans have gotten smarter.

Republicans pray; Democrats prey — and if you're old enough to read, you're old enough to vote. And old enough to be an activist, as evidenced by some public middle- and high- school students in Wisconsin who took time out from class to work phone banks and go door to door in minority neighborhoods to urge people to vote. The effort was organized by a group called Wisconsin Citizen Action, run by a fellow with the last name Marx. Eventually, the party-pooping Republican Party — which just isn't as good at mobilizing the youth as are Democrats, Marxists and terrorists — interfered, reminding everyone that the country hasn't gone to a one-party system yet.

Young people are our future, and for Democrats the future is always now. As Alexis de Tocqueville said, old countries are not like old men: they do not gain wisdom with age. And so every new generation offers frustration for wise men and a recruitment opportunity for the Democrats. The Party wants YOU if you've never voted or even registered, because the less you know, understand and are interested, the more likely you'll vote Democratic.

The scene today recalls a scene from the film "Cabaret," in which there is a government-sponsored barbecue, and an inspired, Nazi-uniformed teenager walks in front of the crowd and starts singing "Tomorrow Belongs To Me." A doubtful, sloppy-looking, inebriated working-class man regards the clean-cut young man with suspicion, but by the song's end, the man is brought to his feet and is singing along, inspired and ready to join the cause. The Fascist Party, after all — like its Communist competitor — was the Worker's Party.

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And Bruce Springsteen, after all, is rock's working-class hero. So when Democratic functionaries decided that they needed to start staging People's Concerts, Springsteen was drafted ( The cause brought the blue-collar rocker together with hip-hop, grunge and new-wave artists in a "Vote for Change" tour, wherein an act would be introduced and the audience would be reminded to vote. Denim-clad, leather-jacketed rockers Jon Bon Jovi and John Mellencamp have likewise gravitated toward the party of environmentalists, Muslims and Marxists. Between all the musicians and all the actors, Stalin's useful idiots have had a busy year. The Party's collecting cup has been busy as well, taking the modernized form of a the "Beat Bush" clipboard.

"Rock the vote," its logo a raised fist, has generated over a million new voters for this election. And not just any voters: "Rock the vote" and "Get out the vote" mean Vote for What's-His-Name on the Democratic ticket. Because slogans like "Make a Difference," "Change things," "Be counted" and "Let your voice be heard," don't exactly scream with impartial language equally promoting the status quo.

But when the polls aren't able to support the volume of new voters, the Democrats will find themselves the victims of their own efforts. One glance at the lines snaking around the corner of the polling sites, and people will decide that four more years of Bush don't sound so bad. So they'll turn to leave before they've had a chance to vote, later to be counted among the "disenfranchised." One just hopes that there won't be human chains of Democrats surrounding the polls, forcing reluctant would-be voters back in line.

But then, no-shows also benefit the Dems. Think of all that can be done with the thousands of new registrations that paid street thugs have managed to cajole out of all the disinterested folks walking by. If the faces behind the forms don't show up, every vote can go Kerry's way. The stakes are just too high to leave things to chance. This election is important enough for the Democrats to steal — just like they tried to do in 2000. What was so maddening to Democrats then wasn't Republicans stealing an election, but Republicans preventing Democrats from stealing it. Like one Russian broadcaster commented at the time, "This is familiar; we've seen these tactics before — where the results are known ahead of time, where there can be only one outcome, where the vote count is made to fit a foregone conclusion." In the minds of most Americans, however, 2000 was a stolen election, and Bush a "selected" leader. Because if the lie is big enough, and said loudly and often enough, it becomes the truth.

So target the poor and minority neighborhoods, even if you end up with counties in which more people than live there are registered to vote. When the competing party steps in, accuse it of trying to limit participation, and stir up class and race warfare to intimidate it out of fighting the battles. If the message doesn't come across, some like-minded angels somewhere may try shooting at or storming the opposition's campaign offices (Tennessee and Minnesota). Your sympathizers in the courts will do their part as well. (Judges in Michigan and Ohio tried to force counting of "provisional" ballots cast in wrong precincts.)

The vast leftwing conspiracy needs no conspiracy or even coordination; it moves as a single beast, its many parts synchronized without benefit of orders or instructions. Some will again go into the voting booth with the elderly to "help" them vote. Other apparatchiks have already gone into nursing homes with free food in exchange for residents filling out absentee ballots. Propaganda filmmakers have done their work without any prodding — from "Silver City" and "Upriver: The Long War of John Kerry" to "Control Room" and "Outfoxed" to that crown jewel "Fahrenheit 9/11" — in which a Marine reservist refuses to serve in Iraq because he doesn't want to kill poor people — in keeping with a worldview that seeks merely to kill the rich (and redistribute their wealth).

Spray-paint the opposition with swastikas and call it fascist — as did one Minnesota teen who got caught. "We're anti-fascist," he said in his defense, in keeping with the post-1922 Lenin doctrine: Label anything that is bad for Communism or opposed to Communism — Fascism. There were only fascists and anti-fascists, a tactic that was picked up by the Comintern and spread throughout the world: everyone or everything that was good for spreading communist politics came to be called "anti-fascist" and "democratic."

This election is important. Important enough to justify media organs collaborating with the Party — especially after the mid-90s breakup of the monopoly on thought — leaving little wonder how regimes with government-run media come to be. This election is such that running down Katherine Harris with a car constitutes a man merely "exercising political expression." After all, Harris is an Enemy of The People.

This election is not only crucial, it is unique: College professors will vote the same way as the welfare population and gays will vote with rapper Eminem. It's not creepy; it's just America Coming Together. Jews will even vote with Muslims, continuing to take their chances with the Democratic Party just like they took their chances with the Germans. What's the worst that can happen?

This election is vital enough for billionaire George Soros to justify purchasing it after fighting for years to take away big money's influence on American politics. New campaign finance laws? Those are for Republicans to follow.

The consequences of coming to power this way be damned. The important thing is to win. Be careful, American Democrats, you may just get the country you seek.

To the legions of unwitting young foot soldiers begging for subjugation: When in doubt, don't rock the vote. You have the choice not to. It's still a free country — pending today's results.

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JWR contributor Julia Gorin tours with Right Stuff Comedy and performs in the monthly New York-based show Republican Riot. Send your comments by clicking here.

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© 2004, Julia Gorin