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Jewish World Review /Jan. 18, 1999 /29 Teves, 5759
Dr. Laura
Day care no substitute for love of mom and dad
(JWR) --- (http://www.jewishworldreview.com) I RECEIVED AN IRATE FAX FROM JOAN IN SHOREVIEW, MINN., with a copy of the
side of a grocery bag from a large chain store in her area. At first I wondered
what all the fuss was about. The picture on the bag shows an adorable 2-year-old
girl in a frilly dress, sitting cross-legged on the floor. She is grinning
widely and her little fists, up at her chin, are playfully emphasizing her
ample, red cheeks. So far, just cuteness!
The headline doesn't give me much to work on to understand Joan's fury. It
says: "Promise Me Forever -- Parents and caregivers, please make these four
promises to kids 0 - 5."
I, of course, as "My Kid's Mom," was immediately curious as to what these
magical four points would be. My mind raced ahead to what I imagined would (or
should) be included in this fateful four.
1. Maintaining the stability, health, lovingness and happiness of our
marriage, ensuring our children the physical safety, emotional security,
psychological well-being, consistency, stability, warmth and positive
role-modeling they need to stay focused on their business of growing up.
2. Emphasize, by our words and actions, the values, ethics, morals and
principles of correct, decent, legal and holy behaviors necessary for a life of
value and meaning, as well as an avoidance of unnecessary risks leading to chaos
and pain to ourselves and others.
3. Dedicating the time to play, talk, tickle, read, walk, snooze, cuddle,
hang out, learn and generally experience each other. This means that the notion
of quality time will not be used as an excuse to absolve responsibility for the
quantity time necessary to foster a true quality parent-child relationship and
family unity.
4. A shared commitment to a religious life. This includes observance,
worship, prayer, study and the practical applications of service, sacrifice,
abstention from "vices," and a point of view that recognizes God in ourselves
and our actions.
So many other thoughts came to mind, such as accepting responsibility for
personal physical and mental health, which includes avoiding excessive,
inappropriate or illegal acts such as drinking, drugs and gambling.
Additionally, we might add not engaging in risky behaviors and sports when one
has family responsibilities. Self-involvement to the exclusion of family time
should also be a no-no.
Finally, after indulging my imagination, I could wait no longer. What was
THE list on the side of this grocery bag that made Joan so angry?
Couldn't be No. 1: "I will take good care of my prenatal health and that of
my young child." This sounds responsible enough.
Perhaps No. 2? Oops. Well, I'll come back to that one.
No. 3 reads, "I will help teach my child to read."
And the final of THE four promises this message feels are essential for
parents (oh, yes, and caregivers): "I will control my child's television
watching."
Now, back to No. 2, which is exactly what set off Joan -- and me: "I will
seek high-quality day care for my child."
WHAT?
That's a promise every parent
SHOULD make? Every parent should promise every child that hired help will raise
them for the most important, sensitive and formative years of their lives? No
wonder Joan, shrieking in her kitchen, wrote, "What ever happened to MOM
providing high-quality day care?"
There was a time when day care was the regrettable fallback position for
families with emergencies. We've come a long way, baby. We've come from loving
and nurturing our children to treating them like pets and houseplants, hiring
the appropriate professionals to tend to their requirements. This, of course,
frees us up for the more important aspects of life. Which are ...?
Tom, from Honeoye Falls, N.Y., sent me an ad for a day-care center. The
headline reminds: "For the most important years of your child's life ..." For
its qualifications, it lists spectacular facilities, full-day care,
college-degreed teachers, convenient downtown business location, outdoor
playground, nutritious meals and a warm, loving and creative atmosphere.
When we adults pay people to "make love to us," they're called prostitutes.
When we pay people to "love" our children -- what are they called? Certainly not
Mommy and
Here's what came to mind:
Substitute mommy?
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