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Jewish World Review May 14, 2003 / 12 Iyar, 5763

Roger Simon

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Simon Says | Simon Says:

It's just a guess, but based on a decade or two (or even three) in journalism, I think at least a few of Jayson Blair's fellow reporters at The New York Times knew he was faking stories. Reporters almost always know when other reporters are faking. So why didn't they turn him in? The unwritten Law of the Newsroom is that reporters don't rat on other reporters.

I thought George Bush looked great landing on that carrier. Prediction: He parachutes into the Republican Convention next year from the belly of a B-52.

The Democrats have to do just three things to win the next election. But nobody knows what they are.

Why are cars still rated by horsepower? When was the last time horses powered anything in this country?

Paperback picks of the month: Ian McEwan's "Atonement" and Kazuo Ishiguro's "When We Were Orphans."

On TV, hospital rooms are always private, spacious, peaceful and gorgeous. Anybody been in a real hospital room lately?

You can tell a lot about a person by whether he is willing to sit at the counter or whether he insists on waiting for a booth.

Isn't it about time everybody stopped saying, "My bad?"

Few things taste as good as birthday cake.

Except at the car wash, when is the last time you put your car in neutral?

I didn't think Woody Allen could make an unwatchable movie until I caught "Hollywood Ending" on cable. Yikes, what a stinker.

Now that we are back down to Condition Yellow, does that mean I can stop sleeping in lead underwear?

Airlines always talk about not putting "wheelies" in the overhead bins. When is the last time you saw anybody with a wheelie? Rolling suitcases have pretty much put them out of business.

And thanks to the reader who emailed this observation: How come the restrooms in need of most repair are in home improvement stores?

Who would have thought that bowling would become fashionable again? (Well, almost fashionable.)

Admit it, your biggest fear is not of snakes, or of flying or of being buried alive. It is of being dropped by your auto insurance company.

There is no excuse for Geraldo Rivera.

Rumors that Donald Rumsfeld intends to grow a soul patch appear to be groundless.

Does anybody feel safer now that some pilots are carrying guns? And at the end of one year, I hope somebody compares the number of accidental discharges vs. hijackings prevented.

I don't know anybody who thinks semiprecious stones are really semiprecious.

Does anybody still make jukeboxes? And why are they called that? What's a juke? And why does it need to be kept in a box?

"Six Feet Under" has lost its way.

Did you know that some palm readers believe that if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, you are very creative? Test it out: Grab a creative person, and take a look.

I don't think I have ever read a more devastating profile than the one The New York Times did in its Sunday magazine on Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist.

Don't ever allow yourself to be intimidated by anyone in an art gallery. If they are snooty to you, just look around and say, "Don't you have anything less formulaic?" (Then run like hell.)

Do you think Thomas Edison would be shocked at how romantic we now find candlelight?

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© 2002, Creators Syndicate